Believing Without Seeing

One of my biggest conviction after living in a missionary community is nothing great can ever happen without prayer. Intercessory prayer played an important part of our Christian life and that is demonstrated throughout scripture. Having witnessed first hand the importance of intercession, I decided to invite a friend to start interceding for JumpStart, a programme I am passionately running now.

JumpStart has turned my life towards the dreams God has for me and I am delighted to have journeyed with and witnessed lives changed through this workshop. The recent message from our intercessory team suggested a time of faith strengthening – a time where I just need to believe that seeds are being planted even if I am not seeing it. For a person like me who’s very result orientated, not seeing anything happening on the surface is very challenging.

How can I continue to persevere when I don’t see a single sign up? When every odds seems to be against me, how can I see through the eyes of faith? With my own strength, I simply cannot. I am blinded by the adversities, the lack of communication and the biggest one is the lack of response. All these things made me question if I have really given my best? I felt really helpless to not be reaping any fruits and that tempted me to just settle for the easier path.

In the midst of the struggle I felt comforted that the still small voice refused to let me give up. Through my struggle, God continue to teach me and encourage me. I came face to face with my poverty – my inability to listen to God and to trust Him in totality. It’s frustrating when things does not turn out the way I want it to be. When faced with my human-ness, I am at times tempted to run away but I knew that is exactly where God is meeting me. It’s a comforting truth that my soul needs to experience.

Would the end result be of great success? I don’t know for now. What I do know is to continue to be faithful and do all that I can to make JumpStart available to more people. For my part now as I could not see anything in the horizon, the best way forward in believing would be to humbly ask for the grace to trust. This grace will also help me to enter into His rest and I believe that the power of rest opens up the floodgate of trust and love.

Dear friends, in times of doubt I pray that you will be carried through by abundance of grace. May you experience breakthrough and may your heart be filled with praise and worship of our Almighty God.

With lots of love,
Irene

Maturing into Parenthood

“Are you ready to take care of our child?” My husband casually asked me and I responded with a nervous giggle. Part of me felt ready and part of me felt there are heaps of unknown. Part of me felt relaxed at the fact that we do not have to know it all and the kiasu (fear of losing in SEA jargon) part of me wanted to know as much as I could. Principally we have decided to raise our children being totally reliant on God and that is probably why I can be at rest.

We know for sure our baby is arriving without a manual, hence it is on the job training. In my more idealistic younger days after learning about the effect parents has for their children, I set my mind to be the perfect parent. I want to be the superhero that absolutely shield my children from any hurt. As I mature in my Christian journey, I began to understand that perfect human parenthood does not exist. How liberating is that! More so now that I am actually in parenting journey, patiently waiting for my baby’s entrance to the world outside my womb.

I get it – we do our very best as parents but the reality is that we are going to make mistakes. After all we are human and there’s absolutely no way we can control everything. We have some clue as to how tiring it will be at the newborn stage, how challenging it will be at the boundary setting stage and how difficult it will be for us to let go. I am aware of my tendency to be super protective and super tiger mom. But I also know there are times I need to step back and just allow my children the space to learn. I guess I shall find out and enjoy the struggle when the time comes. Meanwhile I am to enjoy my present journey and not miss out of the blessings of the moment.

What was really interesting recently was an assurance in my heart from God on the question of parenthood. Being in a Worship Night that focused on our identity sparked an assurance of my Heavenly Father’s protection over my life. So I asked the question: Father, how do I parent? It was interesting that the invitation was to draw my parenting from my identity as His beloved daughter.

Wow! The most logical starting point – our unique identity as sons and daughters of God. Because we are first a child, then a spouse and then a parent. When we get the order right, our priority would be right too. The awareness of this reality keeps us grounded and empower us in every areas of our lives. It is so freeing! Some of us may ask what if a person stays single? I had that question too when I was single. And I decided that should not stop me from maturing into adulthood; choosing responsibility and meaning over recklessness and instability because I do not know if young people are silently looking at my lifestyle as a reference. Besides, none of us are exempted from the role of spiritual parenthood.

Deciding to grow up and ditch my childish ways was a great decision but certainly comes with a price. It means I no longer am “entitled” to entirely blame others for what’s going wrong with my life. It means I have a part to play and I need to own up my mistakes. Without that transition into responsible adulthood, it would have been so challenging in so many areas of my life now especially relationship. As amazing as the journey of growth has been, I am even more amazed that every growing day is a discovery of areas in my life that still calls for some “growing up”.

Dear friends, how was your experience of maturing from a child to an adult? Did you find yourself with an increased desire to honour your parents? Did the desire and struggle to forgive intensify at the same time? Did you experience overflowing grace like never before? Whatever you are experiencing, I pray that you see the hands of God in all these and give your highest praise to Him. May your journey ahead be one that is filled with meaning as you take responsibility through the lens of Christ love.

With lots of love,
Irene

Remaining Hopeful in the Midst of Despair

8 Aug 2019 was one of the darkest day for us here in New Zealand when 94 MPs voted in favour of an extreme abortion bill to be passed. A day of reparation was organized by Family Life International and since I wasn’t physically present, I decided to spend sometime praying for the intention of life. I was overwhelm with a sense of heaviness when praying, knowing well that majority of Parliament was going to vote in favour of the bill being passed. It was then I asked God, how should I pray?

The answer I received in my heart was to remain hopeful, pray for hope in the hearts of the warriors of LIFE and pray for hope to fill the people. That was the moment of breakthrough and I felt the peace to declare that God’s will be done no matter how I dislike the look of it. Despite the trust, I am still extremely saddened that it happened. I could not help but to weep for countless of unborn children and their mothers (and fathers) who would fall victims should the extreme abortion bill be passed. You can read the details of the bill here.

It doesn’t make sense to me especially if we are honest with science. How to even justify when is the limit of “non-humanity” of a baby in the womb? Does changing the term from baby to fetus justify it? Certainly not! It is inherent in each one of us to want to live and each one of us started as a fertilized egg (zygote) that developed into an embryo, then a fetus. It’s interesting to note that fetus translates to little one. How endearing is that!

My pro life stance has always been based on logic and truth that God is the author of life. I am privilege now to have my conviction strengthen even further by the honour of carrying my growing 27 weeks old baby. Her humanity is confirmed from the moment my husband and I found out about her. It was a great day of joy mixed with the worries of all sort. Our lives were changed and enriched, so is our prayer life. We speak life and blessing upon our child and we pray for her protection every single day. We want to give our child the best chance in life.

Our baby’s strong heartbeat was detected at 5 weeks. At 10 weeks, she was moving actively, we can see her spine and it was a delight to see her dance literally through the ultrasound image. I started feeling her physically at 17 weeks. She is responsive to her father’s voice that every time her Papa called on her and placed his ears on my belly, she would give him a good kick. Her awareness of different noises around is really fascinating. One vivid instance was her being shocked by the sound of the vacuum cleaner when I felt a jolt while operating the vacuum cleaner (this was when she was less than 20 weeks old). My personal favourite was how she was leaping in joy whenever I spend time at Eucharistic Adoration. These are tender moments that I never thought I would share so publicly but I guess it is essential to witness to the joy I experienced and hopefully move hearts to be voice of the unborn.

The way the legislation is being drafted literally means my husband and I would have to fight hard for our child’s right to be recognized. We believe our little one has the basic right to life, so is her unborn peers. It is disheartening to know that our law does not provide such protection to the most vulnerable of our society, little ones who could not speak for themselves. These children are potentially my baby’s playmate. They are human being with potential to be great men and women who will leave lasting legacy.

With so much of emotion stirring within, I believe the best way forward is still to remain hopeful and trust that God’s will be done in the best of our interest. The battlefield would need more warriors for life now than ever. Let’s actively and boldly choose life. Let us remember that we are but a link that forms the great fabric of society. When each of us do our part is in speaking a language of life, we would actively participate in life. Raise our children to honour God and to live life to the fullest. Raise communities that would support each other in building the culture of life. Be bold about our faith and live out our faith radiantly. We are all sinners on the journey towards sainthood, so let’s love each other into being and work collectively towards a better world for our children and generations to come.

Dear friends, I pray that my honest sharing would encourage you to be the voice of the unborn and their parents. May we be empowered to do the little we can to support pregnant mothers (and fathers of the unborn). Growing a little human is really a marathon that requires heaps of strength – make it a point to encourage a pregnant woman that she has the capacity and capability to accomplish this great race, cheer her on all the way as her body is doing some miraculous work. I believe women deserve to know that they are able to mother well and be successful at the same time. Our children is often the catalyst for us to want to be better. May we leave a legacy of life for our future generations.

With lots of love,
Irene

When Providence is Insufficient

It was one of my hardest struggle to face. When I decided to leave self-providence behind for God’s providence about 6 years ago, financial insufficiency has been an uphill journey complete with challenges of the elements. Flipping from being self sufficient financially to being totally dependent on God has been quite a crazy move. Looking back I am so convicted that it was grace that brought me through it.

When I move into my new lifestyle I did not know it would be that difficult as things has always been relatively easy for me. I sailed through university smoothly, got a job less than a month after graduation, moved to a high paying job in less than 2 years and I excelled in everything I put my heart into. Then the calling to leave familiarity behind to an adventure of mission came. It was LOVE that got me to give my yes to this beautiful journey and it was also LOVE that has allowed the purification that came with it.

Being a capable person, it was not easy to be dependent. The concept of being dependent entirely was foreign to me. So the hard lesson began. Over the years, things has not gone the way I wanted it to be financially. I could not raise enough funds for my living expenses let alone raising enough to pay off my mortgages (properties that I bought not knowing God will call me out of my “normal” life). My family ended up helping me out for the debts that I started to accumulate. But there was only so much they could help me by.

It was really conflicting as to why there were deep peace in my radical response to God and at the same time, providence wasn’t sufficient. I was hearing all sort of unpleasant stuffs from my loved ones who was helping me and that led me to judge myself as being irresponsible. I hated being irresponsible as that is just against who I am as a person. Financial scarcity became a giant I have to face through my sincere response to the Lord being in mission.

Those difficulties has thrown me into bouts of doubts about my call. Questions like; “if I have heard and discerned this correctly, why isn’t providence pouring in like a floodgate being opened?”; “maybe I have heard God wrongly”; “maybe this is just me wanting a fantasy of being holy”. All sorts of thoughts which was not entirely wrong but certainly confusing. I pushed through because I knew greater things were yet to come. The grace of God has truly sustained me and I did experience some miracles of finances along my path. There must be good reasons and great treasures awaiting me if God allowed those financial difficulties to be part of my journey. The hours spent in prayer has certainly shaped me in ways I would not have imagined. How my heart was able to truly surrender this giant to the Lord was just simply miraculous.

What struck me today as I look back into my journey of conquering the giant of financial difficulty was the immensity of love I’ve experienced from the people I am indebted to. I would rather be owed than to owe because I believe it is more blessed to give than to receive. However, being on the end that receives mercy, taught me heaps about humility and the way God’s economy works. The people who has bailed me out financially has nothing but pure love for me. I would love to repay them but I guess peace in within my heart can only come when I allowed God to provide in His time. One friend of mine whom I am indebted to assured me that the providence will come when she actually needs the money. Someone being that generous to me showed me a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. I came to acknowledge my own pride and my brokenness that needed great redemption.

As I look into my life today, I can still easily see areas where providence is insufficient. The difference in me today is my response. I am rather at peace to just simply praise God for what is provided and keep praying for open doors. It’s surely not easy when we are not doing that well financially but I am very sure that’s also an opportunity to be creative. It’s a matter of priority and being happy with what we have chosen. For example; choosing to home cook our meals over eating out; choosing quality goods over less durable stuffs so that we don’t have to replace our goods too often (that way we are also reducing the amount of waste on the planet). More importantly; choose to live simply and trust generously.

Dear friends, I pray that you are sustained through times of difficulties. When providence is insufficient, take heart that grace is always overflowing to bring you through it. Greater things are awaiting you at the other end of the trying time. May you be blessed abundantly.

With lots of love,
Irene

Father – the Source of Life

Hearing those words from my parish priest on the reflection of this week’s gospel reminded me of something I read recently. Placenta is a temporary organ in a mother’s womb to nourish the growing baby, attach the baby to the uterine wall and also the means to excrete waste. What fascinated me was the fact that the father’s sperm is responsible for creating the placenta and the umbilical cord.

The father becomes the source of life for this growing baby – providing protection and bridges the mother to the child. How wonderful and awesome are the designs of God! How very reflective is this to our spiritual life! Our Heavenly Father is indeed the Source of Life. Without Him thinking about us, we would cease to even exist. It’s so humbling to realize that we are indeed loved into being from conception to natural death.

It makes me wonder how great it would be if our men are empowered to enflesh the truth of fatherhood – be it physical or spiritual. My earthly father was far from perfect – not the most faithful husband nor was he the most gentle father. I am so blessed to have started the journey of reconciliation with my earthly father the year I was baptized. The journey that involved forgiving him of his shortcomings; forgiving myself for judging him and making the best effort to rebuild our relationship. Despite being closest to my dad amongst my siblings, I still experienced hurt from him. I am very glad that I dared to walk the path of forgiveness and today I can look back at the memory of my late father with a heart full of gratitude. That’s the grace of being courageous to embrace my father in totality – his love and his failures. In fact, he was the reason I started this blog.

My heart goes out to numerous people who did not have the best experience with their earthly father. It’s my prayer that men will rise up and take fatherhood seriously. This is a path of holiness and I also pray that all of us in society will support and empower our men to be real men with authentic masculinity. One way of doing that, I believe is for women to have Christ centric standard. The standard that we set for ourselves would influence the world around us. As we help each other in our path of holiness, let us be bold to ask Our Father for His Holy Spirit to guide us.

With lots of love,
Irene

Daydreaming…

One of my favourite hobby is daydreaming as it often left me feeling good. I daydream even while I was praying. Recently those distraction during prayer went as far as going back in time and winning a huge lottery ticket that would have changed how my life would look like now. It can be so addictive but also proved to be super counter productive. Takes a bit of effort to get out of it and get a move on with the day.

As I spent time in Adoration on Thursday, I was reminded of my lottery winning daydream. Typical me reaction – I smirked knowing full well it’s not possible to go back in time and buy that winning ticket. At that moment of grace, I examined the character of God – loving, compassionate and most importantly He cares about my salvation. Beautiful but it would still be nice to win the lottery ticket; said my thought all the while holding on to that daydream and smiling with no reason. Then our gracious God spoke to my heart from the scripture;

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.

 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55: 8-9

Those words led me to check my heart. Truthfully, in my opinion, my ways and thoughts are better. But in reality, God sees in full and I only see in part. My humanness has two sides here – the resistance to bend to God’s will and at the same time the desire for holiness. Realizing that I do not actually have the grace to trust fully or to allow God the space to fulfill His promises; I seek His rest in humility.

God’s way of fulfilling His promises in my life has been mind blowing. One great example is the gift of my husband. I was restless when I embraced the invitation to marriage as there was no man in my sight that would be right for me. I could not bring myself to settle nor was I patient in my wait. After much struggle with God, His grace overshadowed me and I was able to fully surrender my desire for marriage into the loving hand of my Heavenly Father. It was then I found rest. Once I started resting and actually believing that it’s going to be a long wait, the man God has for me reappeared in my life. I was so busy waiting for the right one that I was oblivious of his intentional friendship for a few weeks. Now I am married to my amazing husband whose character far surpassed what I would have imagined.

The other crazy fulfillment of my heart’s desire would be my heart to serve the people of my land. When God called me out of my beloved nation, it was the biggest struggle ever. I struggle to give Him my unreserved yes most especially embracing a new nation. I am grateful for the spiritual guides I encountered while being in New Zealand who has helped me to love this new nation as my own. My prayer was “your people shall be my people, dear Lord” (Ruth 1:16). When I found rest in fully giving my yes to the Lord for New Zealand, the funniest thing happened – He called me home to Malaysia. Hence, here I am given the full opportunity to serve the people of God here in my homeland.

Reflecting upon God’s way all these while, I can testify that He is trustworthy. I just need to allow Him the space and freedom to work in my life as He wills. Visions planted in our hearts are so great that they sometimes felt overwhelming because we know it too well that they are almost impossible by our own might. I truly believe that if what we have sensed as an invitation from God is to come true, He is going to show us His splendour. So much so that we would not be able to hold back our praise of Him even if we want to, when He fulfill His promise in His time.

I left the chapel that evening filled with hope. Those words are still being pondered upon in my heart, changing me slowly. The journey to fully trust and surrender has proven to be one challenging path. If I pay enough attention to look around the path, I am sure I can pick some flowers along the way.

Dear friends, I pray that you will take time to taste the goodness of the Lord as you live a life of trust in His will. May your journey be fruitful and sweet.

With lots of love,
Irene

Abide by Commitment NOT by Feelings

Ouch!!! was probably my response when I had those words spoken to my heart at Eucharistic Adoration last night. It has been a real long time since I last spent time at Adoration. Responding with a yes to the invitation placed in my heart earlier on the day was an awesome decision. It was refreshing and encouraging.

Navigating my new life has not exactly been easy with so many adjustment to make. I was not satisfied with a lot of things, the biggest one was my prayer life. Although I have been confessing my not too good kind of prayer life quite many times, the advice from the confessor only hit me recently. So I became careful to keep watch on my prayer life. The first week seems to excel with flying colours but as time and other demands of daily life took over, it became increasingly challenging to keep up with it.

The faithfulness of God was unwavering. As I struggle to keep my prayer time, I also experienced overwhelming grace. The fruits coming out of my little commitment was just so extraordinary. I noticed myself growing in my desire to lean my ears to listen to the beating heart of God.

So when I whined about the difficulty to keep up with what I want to achieve; like regularly updating this blog and to expand JumpStart, Christ in His loving way showed me what I had experienced these past few weeks of keeping up with my prayer time and encouraged me to abide by my commitment not by my feelings. It was awesome and at the same time an “ouch” moment. Gently, I came to accept that my procrastination and lack of drive to do anything for my own dreams are my responsibilities.

I am responsible for my happiness and my growth. What I sometimes did following my feelings were detrimental to my journey – like feeling lazy (and actually acted on the laziness) to do any promotion for JumpStart or to turn my reflections to meaningful words. Pushing on was never really easy considering my personality. I am blessed by the example set by my disciplined husband who chose to press on even when he did not feel like it just because he knew the outcome would be good.

My prayer was what kind of commitment would I like to give God? I believe that writing specific kind of commitment would help in getting things going. Through this time of encounter with Christ, I realized my strongest kind of commitment would be the ones I made with God and then had them shared with someone whom I can be accountable to. Here is where abiding in my commitment rather than my feelings would be a great tool in bringing me forward.

Dear friends, I pray that you are blessed with my little sharing. If you are struggling to keep up with your journey towards greatness of your being, reach out for help. Spiritual directors, spiritual accompaniers, coaches and mentors are there to support you in your journey. May you be encouraged to abide by your commitment and not by your feelings. Remember to celebrate along the way for every milestone achieved.

With lots of love,

Irene

Touching the Divine in the Ordinary

It has been rather challenging to find my rhythm after moving out of the mission centre. Time is now fully in my control. I enjoyed the freedom of managing my own time and that also comes with the responsibility of managing the time well.

Heaps were happening through those months of being the “master” of my time. Part of me struggle to keep being disciplined and part of me was being open to see what God was saying through it all. It was indeed an invitation to touch the divine in the ordinary. I learnt to pray in a very different way – to connect to God through the moments of my day. Sometimes I felt like I was not praying enough, not reflective enough, not sensitive enough and the list goes on.

Rapid changes proved to be challenging even to a person like me who enjoyed the freshness of change. I struggle to adjust to the rapid changes especially the fact that we moved country – a new environment that calls for new understanding, acceptance and letting go of the lifestyle I was used to. Through the rapid changes, prayer life also proved to be really challenging. I struggle to make time, struggle to just show up even when I do not feel like praying, struggle to trust and was very restless.

It wasn’t until I received the sacrament of reconciliation that things started to turn God-ward again. I am really grateful for the open arms of the Father welcoming me back into His embrace again. Christmas of 2018 became a time of welcoming Baby Jesus into our home again. Our humble and rather empty home has space for God to come in – so was my heart!

The simplicity of the infant Jesus taught me that prayer can be rather simple. I am invited to connect to God as Irene, the beloved. It is about being open to allow God to love me – not quantify by the number of hours spent I guess. I was beating myself pretty hard for not fixing a time to pray. Life is very different now that I have other responsibilities to carry. So, what does it mean to pray then?

Nativity Scene at Tianxiang Catholic Church

I realized for this season of my life, prayer simply means showing up, choosing to praise God in all circumstances and making commitment to have my holy pauses through the day. On the feast of the Baptism of the Lord, my husband and I were talking about ways to increase our income. We are currently running a campaign to sell one of his e-book on special. So we talked about how many copies do we want to ask the Lord to bless us with? I was ready to pray small but my husband challenged my prayer. His point was; “if we are asking for God’s help, let’s give Him a big number”. I was scared and excited at the same time. If God answers our prayer according to the number we asked, a lot of our financial worries would be lighten. So, I was in and we prayed for the big number and let’s see what God thinks about it.

God is so able to answer our prayer in accordance to what we want specifically but does He agree with what we asked for? I guess we will find out at the end of the campaign. At that moment of grace, I told my husband this: “however He choose to answer to our prayer, especially if He choose not to give us the number we asked for, that doesn’t make Him love us any less”. It was a moment of epiphany for me – to have the courage to ask for something that I am not even sure will be answered and having the grace to trust in the infinite love of the Father, regardless of the outcome.

That God-moment of mine brought me to a rest from my “need” to be in control. My ideal thought may look really good for me but if my ideal does not lead me closer to Christ, I guess that would be in vain to have. Probably this is a glimpse of the heart of the Father. Yes, He desires good things for us, sometimes just not the way we envision it – probably way better than how we would have crafted it.

Dear friends, I pray that you find rest in your restlessness and may God grant you the grace to be assured of your belovedness – however He choose to unfold His plans to you, His love for you is infinite.

With lots of love,

Irene

Resistance to Love

The title may sound illogical at the first glance. Yes, I would have said that was totally illogical 10 years back when I was starting my faith journey. How could anyone in their right mind resist love? It did not make sense until I started to go deeper into the heart of God.

My days used to be so filled that I hardly had time to stop and take a good look at my life. Or rather, I hardly desired to make time for it. That changed about 5 years ago when I took a new turn. It was quite a drastic change from what I was used to. From a life of total busyness to a life of total surrender. From a season of self sufficiency to a season to total dependency. 

Time was suddenly in my hand. At that point, I was very uncomfortable with the change. I felt useless, not chosen, sidelined and under appreciated. However, me in my stubborn nature was determined to make full use of that season because I would not know how long that season will be. In all honesty, it was pretty difficult. I was forced to withdraw from my comfort zone – the stage front, a place I know God has for me but for my sake, that was the season He withheld it from me. 

With time in hand, I had the luxury of whining to God in His holy sanctuary every day. Yes, I was a whiner. I complained almost all the time. As I look at my life now, it is clear to me that those time spent with God has been bearing great fruit. I came to see my need of Him, to acknowledge my human-ness and to embrace it fully. I came to term that I am not the superwoman almost everyone thought I was (myself included). That was the time, God taught me more about Him and more about myself. 

Those precious moments has shaped me to be who I am today – imperfect but perfectly LOVED. The time of formation has been a season of deep intimacy with God. It was a season I learnt how to fight properly by knowing who is my real enemy and by being aware that worship is my strongest weapon. 

Just a little over a week ago I had a God encounter through someone who loved me dearly. My complaint of back pain due to bad posture was taken seriously and action was taken immediately to solve that. The action taken to help me came with a sacrifice. I was really touched and at the same time felt bad that someone has to sacrifice for me. On the other side of the story, it was never a question of sacrifice, it was only love. 

When I look at that beautiful experience, I could not help but to draw a parallel (although unequal) to Christ’s love for His bride, the Church. It is hard for us to watch our loved ones suffer and we do all we could to stop that. I wonder what was going on in Mother Mary’s being when her Son, our Lord was going through His passion? It must have hurt her so badly. I bet she was tempted to stop Him but look at what she did instead. She accompanied Him through it and was obedient to God’s will. With Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross, we are made worthy to reconcile with the Father. 

We may at times resist love without us realizing it. As I had when I was tempted to believe I was not as important as my beloved’s work. After we had spent the time solving my back problem, I told him about the temptation that maybe his day should be spent working not taking care of my back. His response to me was; “that is not happening! You are my priority and I want you to be well”. The only appropriate response from me was “thank you!”. I knew deep in, the temptation to “sacrifice” me seemed noble but at the same time it will be unhealthy for our relationship. To really honest, I do want to receive his love, I want to be able to embrace the love he showed me and that was when I realized I still needed grace to receive. 

In a world like ours, the struggle to just receive love is real. We want to be independent, we want to do things our way and we always want to be the giver. To a certain extent, those are good values. However, we do need to be careful not to go overboard. Those time that we are unable to receive are time of abundance grace. From experience, just acknowledging my need to be humble, being truthful that I cannot receive has been of great blessing. 

Truth be told, if no one is receiving, we can have no giver. So, if you are in a position to receive, be encouraged to receive gracefully. At the other side of the story is love and the person who gives is blessed beyond measure. Giving generously and receiving gracefully make a beautiful God-story. Happy giving and receiving!

With lots of love,

Irene 

Presence as Present

I had the privilege to spend some time back home recently and what stood out for me was how expensive were the price of food. I was in a state of shock and disbelief. But when I took that to prayer and reflection, I realized I was the one who stood still. My memory of things and prices were still of 4 years ago. It pinched me back then but not that bad. When I complained about the price of the food, everyone around me made the comment that the prices were normal prices.

I was the one who was stuck in time because for me time stood still at home while I was away. Spending time with people I cared also gave me the same sense. Sometimes it would be my friends or family who seemed to hold on to the Irene from years ago and sometimes it was me who need a little bit of adjustment to the person I met at their present state. Probably I was in awe in the person they have become and old memories seemed to want to take over.

It was indeed really easy to expect our old friends or family members who were away to stay the way we remember them to be? Having met friends who were still operating on the mode we were years ago launched me into a quest to look back on my life. Have I been present in my seasons of life? Have I allowed grace to flow in my life in a way that I would experience growth? Have I taken notice of the growth of my friends and family? Am I accepting the way my friends and family are now and not putting them in a box of the past?

The “good old days” has its charm to bring us back to our roots and it certainly has the power to give us the view of how far we have journeyed in our life. Looking back at the lessons we have learnt and celebrating the person we become, is such a precious gift to ourselves and the world. As I look back, I am grateful that I was present to my season most part of my life – the glorious seasons as well as the difficult seasons. The difference seasons has played an important role in shaping my life and strengthening my faith. Looking at life and being present through the lens of gratitude simply made the different seasons beautiful beyond measure.

Appreciation of my own experience has opened my heart to accept others in their current season. I am reminded to not box my friends and family in the past (most especially if it is not healthy to our relationship). Dear friends, wherever you are in your season in life, I pray that you are granted the grace to be present.

May you be blessed.

With lots of love,

Irene