Month: August 2019

Maturing into Parenthood

On By IreneIn Commitment, Faith, Family, Fatherhood, Journey, Kingdom Lifestyle, Motherhood, Rest, Season of LifeLeave a comment

“Are you ready to take care of our child?” My husband casually asked me and I responded with a nervous giggle. Part of me felt ready and part of me felt there are heaps of unknown. Part of me felt relaxed at the fact that we do not have to know it all and the kiasu (fear of losing in SEA jargon) part of me wanted to know as much as I could. Principally we have decided to raise our children being totally reliant on God and that is probably why I can be at rest.

We know for sure our baby is arriving without a manual, hence it is on the job training. In my more idealistic younger days after learning about the effect parents has for their children, I set my mind to be the perfect parent. I want to be the superhero that absolutely shield my children from any hurt. As I mature in my Christian journey, I began to understand that perfect human parenthood does not exist. How liberating is that! More so now that I am actually in parenting journey, patiently waiting for my baby’s entrance to the world outside my womb.

I get it – we do our very best as parents but the reality is that we are going to make mistakes. After all we are human and there’s absolutely no way we can control everything. We have some clue as to how tiring it will be at the newborn stage, how challenging it will be at the boundary setting stage and how difficult it will be for us to let go. I am aware of my tendency to be super protective and super tiger mom. But I also know there are times I need to step back and just allow my children the space to learn. I guess I shall find out and enjoy the struggle when the time comes. Meanwhile I am to enjoy my present journey and not miss out of the blessings of the moment.

What was really interesting recently was an assurance in my heart from God on the question of parenthood. Being in a Worship Night that focused on our identity sparked an assurance of my Heavenly Father’s protection over my life. So I asked the question: Father, how do I parent? It was interesting that the invitation was to draw my parenting from my identity as His beloved daughter.

Wow! The most logical starting point – our unique identity as sons and daughters of God. Because we are first a child, then a spouse and then a parent. When we get the order right, our priority would be right too. The awareness of this reality keeps us grounded and empower us in every areas of our lives. It is so freeing! Some of us may ask what if a person stays single? I had that question too when I was single. And I decided that should not stop me from maturing into adulthood; choosing responsibility and meaning over recklessness and instability because I do not know if young people are silently looking at my lifestyle as a reference. Besides, none of us are exempted from the role of spiritual parenthood.

Deciding to grow up and ditch my childish ways was a great decision but certainly comes with a price. It means I no longer am “entitled” to entirely blame others for what’s going wrong with my life. It means I have a part to play and I need to own up my mistakes. Without that transition into responsible adulthood, it would have been so challenging in so many areas of my life now especially relationship. As amazing as the journey of growth has been, I am even more amazed that every growing day is a discovery of areas in my life that still calls for some “growing up”.

Dear friends, how was your experience of maturing from a child to an adult? Did you find yourself with an increased desire to honour your parents? Did the desire and struggle to forgive intensify at the same time? Did you experience overflowing grace like never before? Whatever you are experiencing, I pray that you see the hands of God in all these and give your highest praise to Him. May your journey ahead be one that is filled with meaning as you take responsibility through the lens of Christ love.

With lots of love,
Irene

Remaining Hopeful in the Midst of Despair

On By IreneIn Faith, Fatherhood, Hope, Motherhood, Pro-Life1 Comment

8 Aug 2019 was one of the darkest day for us here in New Zealand when 94 MPs voted in favour of an extreme abortion bill to be passed. A day of reparation was organized by Family Life International and since I wasn’t physically present, I decided to spend sometime praying for the intention of life. I was overwhelm with a sense of heaviness when praying, knowing well that majority of Parliament was going to vote in favour of the bill being passed. It was then I asked God, how should I pray?

The answer I received in my heart was to remain hopeful, pray for hope in the hearts of the warriors of LIFE and pray for hope to fill the people. That was the moment of breakthrough and I felt the peace to declare that God’s will be done no matter how I dislike the look of it. Despite the trust, I am still extremely saddened that it happened. I could not help but to weep for countless of unborn children and their mothers (and fathers) who would fall victims should the extreme abortion bill be passed. You can read the details of the bill here.

It doesn’t make sense to me especially if we are honest with science. How to even justify when is the limit of “non-humanity” of a baby in the womb? Does changing the term from baby to fetus justify it? Certainly not! It is inherent in each one of us to want to live and each one of us started as a fertilized egg (zygote) that developed into an embryo, then a fetus. It’s interesting to note that fetus translates to little one. How endearing is that!

My pro life stance has always been based on logic and truth that God is the author of life. I am privilege now to have my conviction strengthen even further by the honour of carrying my growing 27 weeks old baby. Her humanity is confirmed from the moment my husband and I found out about her. It was a great day of joy mixed with the worries of all sort. Our lives were changed and enriched, so is our prayer life. We speak life and blessing upon our child and we pray for her protection every single day. We want to give our child the best chance in life.

Our baby’s strong heartbeat was detected at 5 weeks. At 10 weeks, she was moving actively, we can see her spine and it was a delight to see her dance literally through the ultrasound image. I started feeling her physically at 17 weeks. She is responsive to her father’s voice that every time her Papa called on her and placed his ears on my belly, she would give him a good kick. Her awareness of different noises around is really fascinating. One vivid instance was her being shocked by the sound of the vacuum cleaner when I felt a jolt while operating the vacuum cleaner (this was when she was less than 20 weeks old). My personal favourite was how she was leaping in joy whenever I spend time at Eucharistic Adoration. These are tender moments that I never thought I would share so publicly but I guess it is essential to witness to the joy I experienced and hopefully move hearts to be voice of the unborn.

The way the legislation is being drafted literally means my husband and I would have to fight hard for our child’s right to be recognized. We believe our little one has the basic right to life, so is her unborn peers. It is disheartening to know that our law does not provide such protection to the most vulnerable of our society, little ones who could not speak for themselves. These children are potentially my baby’s playmate. They are human being with potential to be great men and women who will leave lasting legacy.

With so much of emotion stirring within, I believe the best way forward is still to remain hopeful and trust that God’s will be done in the best of our interest. The battlefield would need more warriors for life now than ever. Let’s actively and boldly choose life. Let us remember that we are but a link that forms the great fabric of society. When each of us do our part is in speaking a language of life, we would actively participate in life. Raise our children to honour God and to live life to the fullest. Raise communities that would support each other in building the culture of life. Be bold about our faith and live out our faith radiantly. We are all sinners on the journey towards sainthood, so let’s love each other into being and work collectively towards a better world for our children and generations to come.

Dear friends, I pray that my honest sharing would encourage you to be the voice of the unborn and their parents. May we be empowered to do the little we can to support pregnant mothers (and fathers of the unborn). Growing a little human is really a marathon that requires heaps of strength – make it a point to encourage a pregnant woman that she has the capacity and capability to accomplish this great race, cheer her on all the way as her body is doing some miraculous work. I believe women deserve to know that they are able to mother well and be successful at the same time. Our children is often the catalyst for us to want to be better. May we leave a legacy of life for our future generations.

With lots of love,
Irene

When Providence is Insufficient

On By IreneIn Commitment, Faith, Journey, Kingdom Lifestyle, Love, Providence, Season of Life, WorthLeave a comment

It was one of my hardest struggle to face. When I decided to leave self-providence behind for God’s providence about 6 years ago, financial insufficiency has been an uphill journey complete with challenges of the elements. Flipping from being self sufficient financially to being totally dependent on God has been quite a crazy move. Looking back I am so convicted that it was grace that brought me through it.

When I move into my new lifestyle I did not know it would be that difficult as things has always been relatively easy for me. I sailed through university smoothly, got a job less than a month after graduation, moved to a high paying job in less than 2 years and I excelled in everything I put my heart into. Then the calling to leave familiarity behind to an adventure of mission came. It was LOVE that got me to give my yes to this beautiful journey and it was also LOVE that has allowed the purification that came with it.

Being a capable person, it was not easy to be dependent. The concept of being dependent entirely was foreign to me. So the hard lesson began. Over the years, things has not gone the way I wanted it to be financially. I could not raise enough funds for my living expenses let alone raising enough to pay off my mortgages (properties that I bought not knowing God will call me out of my “normal” life). My family ended up helping me out for the debts that I started to accumulate. But there was only so much they could help me by.

It was really conflicting as to why there were deep peace in my radical response to God and at the same time, providence wasn’t sufficient. I was hearing all sort of unpleasant stuffs from my loved ones who was helping me and that led me to judge myself as being irresponsible. I hated being irresponsible as that is just against who I am as a person. Financial scarcity became a giant I have to face through my sincere response to the Lord being in mission.

Those difficulties has thrown me into bouts of doubts about my call. Questions like; “if I have heard and discerned this correctly, why isn’t providence pouring in like a floodgate being opened?”; “maybe I have heard God wrongly”; “maybe this is just me wanting a fantasy of being holy”. All sorts of thoughts which was not entirely wrong but certainly confusing. I pushed through because I knew greater things were yet to come. The grace of God has truly sustained me and I did experience some miracles of finances along my path. There must be good reasons and great treasures awaiting me if God allowed those financial difficulties to be part of my journey. The hours spent in prayer has certainly shaped me in ways I would not have imagined. How my heart was able to truly surrender this giant to the Lord was just simply miraculous.

What struck me today as I look back into my journey of conquering the giant of financial difficulty was the immensity of love I’ve experienced from the people I am indebted to. I would rather be owed than to owe because I believe it is more blessed to give than to receive. However, being on the end that receives mercy, taught me heaps about humility and the way God’s economy works. The people who has bailed me out financially has nothing but pure love for me. I would love to repay them but I guess peace in within my heart can only come when I allowed God to provide in His time. One friend of mine whom I am indebted to assured me that the providence will come when she actually needs the money. Someone being that generous to me showed me a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. I came to acknowledge my own pride and my brokenness that needed great redemption.

As I look into my life today, I can still easily see areas where providence is insufficient. The difference in me today is my response. I am rather at peace to just simply praise God for what is provided and keep praying for open doors. It’s surely not easy when we are not doing that well financially but I am very sure that’s also an opportunity to be creative. It’s a matter of priority and being happy with what we have chosen. For example; choosing to home cook our meals over eating out; choosing quality goods over less durable stuffs so that we don’t have to replace our goods too often (that way we are also reducing the amount of waste on the planet). More importantly; choose to live simply and trust generously.

Dear friends, I pray that you are sustained through times of difficulties. When providence is insufficient, take heart that grace is always overflowing to bring you through it. Greater things are awaiting you at the other end of the trying time. May you be blessed abundantly.

With lots of love,
Irene