It’s been 11 years since I said goodbye to my father. The memory of him losing consciousness when the stroke took a sharp turn; of us offering him the gift of salvation through the little means we had at that time and then the memory of that fateful morning 11 years ago when the young medical officer who was almost in tears breaking the news of my father’s passing to us. We took turn to say our final goodbye and I still remember telling him to hold on to Jesus and follow Him. Just 2 days prior to that, I was telling my dad to not leave us, telling him that he still have to see me getting married and to hold my children. But it was his time to go and when his heart stopped the second time that day, we decided to let go.
Death is never an easy topic to speak about or think about. But death is the only sure thing in life and whether we like it or not, it will sure come. If we are willing, death has a lot to teach us about life. In reality, we are never too ready to let our parents go, no matter what our age are. It is a sad separation from someone who is so important to us. Therefore it is important to grieve well, to grieve with gratitude. When my father passed away, that was the first lesson I learnt – grieving with gratitude.
Shortly after that, I left home for a year of community experience in New Zealand. Some thought I was crazy to leave so soon and some even thought I was selfish to leave my mother in that state. It was super hard for me to leave but the invitation from the Lord to trust Him in His plan was stronger than what my logical mind can conceive. So in obedience, I left home for mission. That year was the year I felt like my smile was not as bright, I easily tear up, missed my dad every day. There were tears and unspeakable pain in that time of grief and through that God spoke the loudest. Never once had I suppress my sadness and pain, but every time I’m done crying, I proactively seek gratitude of my father. I thank God for the time I had with him, the privilege of being his daughter and the traits I inherited from my father. With that practice of gratitude in grieving, my episode of crying was slowly contained to shorter duration as time passed.
My father was far from perfect and I recognized that he and my mother did their best with the knowledge and resources they had. Lessons that he taught me became precious and I was able to see my father for who he really was. That time of grief also clarified what’s important in life – relationship. The petty bickering amongst family became something unnecessary. But it was not always easy to talk in peace without yelling at each other, especially when it is not our family culture. For my part, I learnt to prioritize the relationship over being right. It took me some perseverance (and the grace that comes with sickness) to work on my part of communication with my family till this day.
The beautiful miracle that I experienced from that time of grief was the softening of my heart. Through the loss of my father (and the subsequent loss of my younger brother), I see myself allowing God to turn my heart of stone into a heart of flesh. I became more compassionate and a little more patient with people. Through that time of grieving, I never stop living. I kept moving with the pain and at the ripe time, I was able to bring a close to the grief. Today I cherish the fond memory of my father and also cherish those of us who is alive. We live life to the fullest and we learn to live with grief. When grief is done healthily, it is life giving and it helps us to put things in the right perspective.
Have you been grieving the loss of someone significant? If yes, how was the experience? Would you like to make sense of the experience? Let’s connect!
With lots of love,
Irene
Fully Alive 