When I was researching on the whether women has the innate desire to mother, I was pretty surprise to see articles coming from secular sites that said it is a myth. So what they claimed is that not all women has that mothering desire or instinct. I personally don’t agree that it is a myth. The world we are living in are trying to take women away from their natural ability or desire to mother. We were told to be career focused, that motherhood can wait. What seems to be common is that something in us tells us otherwise. For me, it was hard to pin point what was that opposing forces within me – what I presented and live by was a strong career minded women who appreciated her independence. The other other part of me was feeling so satisfied and fulfilled when I spend time giving myself as a gift by nurturing young souls.

That was an expression of Spiritual Motherhood that I experienced as a single unmarried woman. Something unbeknownst to me when I enjoyed my time with my nephews, nieces and Goddaughters. Those years of living out my womanhood as a Spiritual Mother has prepared me to where I am as a physical mother now. The blessing is mutual: I was immensely blessed, so was my Goddaughters. Looking back at those days, I wish I knew these three guiding elements that would help me to be a joyful, effective and fulfilled Spiritual Mother. I share this is in full in this video and here’s the summary for those of us who prefer reading.

The first one is deepening our relationship with Christ. The Catechism of the Catholic Church No. 27 states;

The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for:

It cannot get clearer than this: our deepest longing or we may call it a deep hole that keeps on leaking unless it is filled with the love of God. Having a living relationship with Christ will fill that God sized hole in our hearts. Why does this matter for Spiritual Motherhood? The living relationship with Christ is the base of our lives, this is something for everybody. In the context of our service as Spiritual Mother, a living relationship with Christ will help us in the way of detachment. Long time ago, I had an encounter with someone who played the role of Spiritual Mother to me. She was incidentally available at the time I needed someone to talk through some issues I was facing. The conversation helped me to hear myself out and to calm down from the stress that I was experiencing. So I thanked her at the end of our conversation and she in turned said this: thank you for making me feel needed.

That actually left me feeling cringed. Gosh, the need to be needed can be unhealthy for us. If we are not careful, we can unintentionally idolize it. I acknowledge there’s place for being needed; as a mother I am needed and that’s a reality. To help us moderate and sanctify our need to be needed, we need Christ as our centre. The best way to do it is to make time for prayer. I would propose making the first hour of the day a sacred hour for the Lord. Spend that hour seeking knowledge of God through scriptures reading. It is also really good to read the commentaries on the chapter you are on. The sacred hour doesn’t have to be a full hour; it’s not five minutes either. It’s a chunk of time that you dedicate for prayer and scripture reading.

Becoming a woman of the Word is a way to shape our lives to be better Spiritual Mothers. Who is a better model of this than our Blessed Mother Mary? This brings me to the second element; consecration to Mother Mary. She is the perfect disciple, a woman of the Word and truly a woman after God’s own heart. In John 19: 26, Jesus gave His Mother to us. She’s called THE MOTHER in that verse. How awesome is that! She is our Mother as well! When I finally consecrate myself to her, I had in my heart set on having a relationship with her as well; I want to learn from her, I want to be a better disciple, I want to model after her as a woman after God’s own heart.

With that desire in mind, my consecration to Mother Mary has truly bear fruits of holiness. Areas of my life that needed sanctification were brought to light. Slowly but surely, I am growing in my dignity as a beloved daughter of God. It was also really interesting to note this beautiful connection of how Mother Mary was instrumental to intercede for me. I was so inspired to put aside time to live out my consecrated and intentional singlehood in 2014 and when that period ends, the main fruit was a clearer invitation as well as a clearer courage for me to embrace sacramental marriage as a state of life vocation. So with that fruit, I started a 54 Days Rosary Novena with the intention to pray for my future husband. My intention was to be married to a man after God’s own heart, that God is his absolute number one so that he will lay his life down for me, his bride. At the same time, I also prayed that I become a woman after God’s own heart, that God is my absolute number one so that I would be able to submit to this man God has for me. God wasted no time and got to work on me. The amazing thing then happened in 2017, when I finally decided to consecrated myself to Mother Mary. I did a 33 Days DIY retreat towards my consecration and at that period, I was reconnected to Hans, although totally unaware of the movement God was making through Hans. On consecration day, Hans attended the Assumption mass with me, we were seeing each other back then and the rest is History. Of course I am not suggesting that Mama Mary will lead you to your spouse but who knows!

When we intentionally make time to know Jesus deeply and when we consecrate ourselves to our Blessed Mother, our life becomes richer. This richness is meant to be shared in community which brings me to the third element; becoming part of a life giving community. We are social beings and as a woman, a support system outside our home is essential. It is also important to choose a community of people who are as committed to your growth as you are committed to theirs. What does a life giving community looks like?

Before we get there, let’s be a little cliche in this. I used to roll my eyes whenever people say this to me whenever I pointed out elephants in the room that existed in the community. I almost always get this: “there’s no perfect community, Irene”. Duh! I know, I just wanted to be heard. What it sounded to me was just an excuse to not change. But that line is true; there is no perfect community because we live in a broken world. This is something we need to be aware of when we join a community. A healthy community ought to be imperfect but life giving. Life giving in the sense of speaking the truth of Christ, providing support, encouraging and challenging you to rise up. This is the place you share and celebrate your growth as well as the place to get support when you are in need. A place where accountability is taken seriously. Try to visit different communities and see which one resonates with you most and which will support you in your journey of holiness.

I really wish I knew these 3 element more clearly when I was younger and made it a lifestyle more intentionally. Our dignity as women is God given, we are called to steward our gifts well and therefore express our identity in the best way possible. Our life experience is also so precious, there are times that we are honored and there are also times that we are disadvantaged. As in community, the world in which we live in is also not perfect, it is not always easy to navigate our lives as women. We feel the pains of loneliness, the pains of unfulfilled longings and so much more. Deeper than that is the truth that Christ is still our centre and He is faithful. In this Mother’s Day, may all women be honored in our dignity. To birth and adoptive mothers; thank you for loving sacrifices for your children. You are indeed the pillar of society. To all bereaved mothers, your tears are counted and thank you for growing even more beautifully in your vocation honoring the children that has returned to the Lord. To spiritual mothers, thank you for channeling your innate maternal energy to add colors and positive impact to the lives of our children and most importantly thank you for your sincere prayers for the conversion of the world. Happy Mother’s Day.

With lots of love,
Irene