Tag: Courage

Courage to be Authentic

On By IreneIn Coaching, Courage, Faith, Grace, Healing, Hope, Journey, JumpStart, Kingdom Lifestyle, Live the CallLeave a comment

The theme of courage has been filling my heart lately partly due to recent events. When asked how would he liked to be remembered, Charlie Kirk answered with conviction that he would like to be remembered for the courage of his faith. That got me to ask myself: “Am I living courageously for my faith?”. The experience of the love of God compel us to change our way, to repent from our sins and return to the heart of the Father. From the Sacred Heart of Jesus flows the wellspring of life for each one of us, which brings us to live a purpose filled life.

It has certainly been an adventure for me; from the excitement of love to the enduring choice to keep on loving. Almost exactly like my marriage, which by the way was today seven years ago. We began with the experience of love and the commitment to love brought us to where we are today – more resilient and more in love. And as I reflect on my journey of faith, I see a pattern of how it grew and still growing. From the “feeling” of love, I made the commitment to give my life to Jesus and started discovering more about God and myself. The more I see myself from the lens of the Father, the more I heal from my wounds that has manifested in forms like self doubt, severe self judgment and fear of all sort. Fear was (still sometimes is if unchecked) my biggest reason that I held back from being authentic. I feared judgment from others, I feared that others would not want to be my friend if they know what my opinions are, I fear losing my job for my principles and the list goes on.

The remedy of it all is to have courage to live authentically. How can we do that if we do not know who we are? What would happened to how we show up if we believe that we are a horrible person? I’d imagine that we would not be a pleasant company and the outcome would be disastrous. Therefore our courage has to come from the victory of the Cross. I used to be a person who wouldn’t care less of what others would say about me, I thought I was being me because I did not want to suppress how I really feel. So sometimes words that came out of my mouth were sarcastic and unkind. Now being a more mature Christian, I come to appreciate the value of being form more and more into the likeness of Christ, the value to go through sufferings that smoothen out my rough edges. And I praise God that He gave me the time, space and the right appointments that helped to change. It is indeed humbling to think about this gift of grace that has been given to repent and return to His heart.

My right appointments that has helped me in my journey were effective faith programmes and right people on my path. And it began with two amazing programmes that I’d like to encourage us to consider. First one is ‘Who Am I?”, my biggest takeaway was learning about my inner creed. I learnt that what I believed affected how I live my life. Or rather it was the vice verse way of discovering, how I live my life is the reflection of what I really believe internally. For example, if I am always suspicion of people’s motive of helping me, I probably believed that people are generally untrustworthy.

Discovering and healing the image of God and self through “Who Am I?” would prepare a person well for the next programme, JumpStart because now that part of the “baggage” is unloaded, we are ready for more. From JumpStart we will find out more about our passion and what makes us alive. We will also be given the tools to make it our lifestyle. The journey doesn’t end there, in fact that’s the beginning towards a more fulfilling life. From there, I would recommend that we go on a coaching journey. Through coaching whether it is personal or group, we can find strength to overcome obstacles on our way. We find ourselves more inclined to spend time with people who celebrates our growth and our lives will be lived out more authentically.

My life journey has been blessed (still being blessed) with all these right appointments along my way. Dear friends, would you like to explore the possibilities of these right appointments? Connect with us today and may you be blessed abundantly.

With lots of love,
Irene

*This article is also published in livethecall.live

This Is My Body

On By IreneIn Faith, Grace, Healing, Journey, Kingdom Lifestyle, Love, Sacrament, Season of Life, SufferingLeave a comment

What do you do when you cannot understand the priest at mass?

My response was to pray that God speak to me directly. I read this sometime ago that not being able to understand the language fully (in this context, Latin), the grace to enter more deeply into the mystery becomes present. That has certainly been my experience while attending mass in Latin. The beauty of Christ is veiled in the Latin language, I found myself free to just be and connect to the mystery of my salvation in an inexpressible way. But when it is in English, a language I am familiar with, it feels really hard when I cannot understand the priest. This can happen when the priest speaks in a thick foreign accent.

God is still present nevertheless. My difficulty in understanding the priest does not undermine God’s grace. I can still “hear” him and I find this very interesting every time I have difficulty connecting to the priest. So in this particular mass, God spoke to me when communion was distributed. I was looking straight ahead at the priest distributing communion and this came to me. The Body of Christ was broken and distributed to each communicant, as we each receive His Broken Body, Christ gather us into One Body – His Body. Then this scripture came alive in me;

“If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honoured, all rejoice together with it.”
><> 1 Corinthians 12: 26 <><

My years of living with Myasthenia Gravis sure connects to this scripture. April of 2023 marks a deeply traumatic event in my journey; I had a myasthenic crisis that led to respiratory failure. The grace of God that overwhelmed me at that time also provided the space for me to connect the dot as to what may be the cause of the disease for me. Just a disclaimer, my view of the body is a whole, not fragmented into multi discipline of medicine branches. I am a whole person with different parts and each part is connected to the other. I felt strongly at that time that heavy metal poisoning was a plausible cause. The Holy Spirit confirmed this through my husband and my Integrative Medicine doctor; as both of them said the same thing to me. With that, we decided to move in that direction of removing all the mercury almagam filling while going on a heavy metal detox protocol. Praise be to God that I started getting better with each dental filling removal and replacement.

You see the poisonous mercury filling were all in my dental cavity but the poisoning affected my whole body resulting in a chronic illness. What does a chronic illness looks like? Imagine this; you have a cold and it lasted for a week, your body recover and you breath normally again. For a person with chronic illness, that one week last for years. It takes a split second for the onset of disease and it takes a much longer time to reverse it. We catch a cold just like that and it takes a week to reverse it. As for chronic illness, the disease may have been brewing through our toxic environment and when it reaches it’s peak, our body are not be able to hold it any longer, that’s when we are forced to stop and pay attention.

Similar to the Body of Christ, when one part is hurting the whole body hurts. When someone in the Body committed mortal sin, the whole Body hurt. We cannot ignore it. We need to nurse that part of the Body to health again. Question is how do we do that? In our highly snowflake and sensitive world, it felt out of place to point out sin. I have that difficulty because I feel that we should mind our own business. So what would be the most plausible way to nurse the wounded part of the Body of Christ back to health?

Personally I think the first step is to be aware that I am also a sinner and to remember what brought me to repentance in the first place. It is this living relationship with God that brought me back to the arms of the One who first loved me. Love stronger than death, most definitely stronger than my sins; touched my heart deeply. Ultimately our deepest desire is union with God for His love is sweet and life giving. Making amends to turn our life towards God is worth it. Repentance is sweet when we are in love and hence I believe the remedy is LOVE.

For someone to commit a mortal sin and not able to repent, it is very likely that this person does not have a living relationship with Christ. In our world where quick fix is glorified, it is so tempting to also do that to our brothers or sisters who is suffering the effect of mortal sin. But in reality, we are human. I started to grasp the reality of not quick fixing the others after becoming chronically ill. Not many people can grasp the fact that my condition cannot be fixed overnight, it’s not just a cold. I had to suffer through unrealistic expectation of others that I should be fine after some short period of time. Some still could not accept that I am no longer able to take too much rice (and carbohydrate in general), that choosing a different lifestyle supports my healing. Whenever I had a worsening, the frown on their faces was distressing to me. For this season of healing, I am also experiencing healing on a much deeper level. Those were moments of grace that taught me that my healing is not overnight. The “ah-hah” connections helped me to see that grace works in time. When the time is right, God revealed His message. So it is the same with the Body of Christ. The part that needed nursing back to health requires heaps of patience from the whole Body. We cannot rush the process!

The journey back to the heart of Christ is perhaps complex or in another way of looking at it, it is super adventurous. The result of our experience depended upon the choice of our view. Plain language may express it as being complex and when we choose to see it as an adventure, we yield our life to trust deeper. An adventure is both fun and stretching. In our journey of repentance, the joy and meaning that awaits us are enormous and it is possible through us saying yes to do the heart stretching work. May we find divine strength in our own journey of repentance and may we find compassion in accompanying the rest of the Body to wholeness.

With lots of love,
Irene

From Drug Pusher to Drug Addict to Sobriety

On By IreneIn Celebration, Faith, Grace, Journey, Myasthenia Gravis Healing Journey, Season of LifeLeave a comment

Yes, that’s part of the story of my life! Many years ago, when I was young, vibrant and energetic, I worked as a legal drug pusher – the way pharmaceutical representatives fondly call our job title. I have left pharma for almost 10 years now. A little more than 2 years ago, after being diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis (MG), I went down the path of pharma drug addiction – by necessity! It became a journey of unlearning what I thought I knew and learning a new way of honoring my body. Praise be to God, I am now in sobriety for a little more than 2 months.

In the background is a snapshot of the cocktail of drugs I was on

Having a pharma background has indirectly made me ignorant to the natural healing ability of my body. As I am also not free from confirmation bias, so it was kind of an eye opener to walk down the path desiring total sobriety from pharma drug. It is not uncommon for patient living with an autoimmunity being told that they have to be drug dependent for the rest of their lives. I stumbled upon stories of people who defy the odds and achieve something called a remission, some even successfully reversed their autoimmune condition with the right protocol. In the beginning it was amazement for me and kind of a wishful thinking that I want to be one of those who beat this. As time goes, the more I learned about this amazing God given body, the more I am convinced that healing is possible.

So started my quest for an alternative natural treatment. In the quest for healing, one main attitude that I took on is radical self responsibility for my health – I am responsible for my health, not my physicians. Hence that calls for a shift in the way I treat my body. What comes in contact becomes important be it the food I take, supplements, cleaning agents or even medical treatment I allow in my body. “Are those interventions necessary?, What are the risks vs benefits?” are among the questions I will ask before proceeding with any medical intervention. Thanks to my pharma background, reading products insert and clinical paper is something I am accustomed to. What it comes down to is doing my own research and own my decision as I should be the one who is most in tune with my body, knows my body best – not just following orders from my physicians. Self responsibility is an attitude welcomed by my physicians, it’s much easier to work with me as I do not put the burden of my health on them.

The initial part of the journey felt quite lonely as MG is a rare condition. What’s more rare are people who successfully reversed their condition naturally. The support group I joined are mostly conventional based which is fine as that’s the best known ways. I am grateful that I got support from my family who also believe that natural healing is possible. With heaps of prayer, I met my Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) physician. Acupuncture, chiro work and TCM herbs worked for me. It may not the answer for every MG patient but it’s worth a try. I recognized the importance of radical self responsibility when it comes to healing as I met people who unconsciously embodied their victimhood in their healing journey. Living as a victim will not bring any freedom or victory. We are better off doing the heart work of getting out of victimhood to accountability if we want any progress at all in our lives. Talk to me if you’d like to explore tools to shift from victimhood to accountability.

Has there been bad trial for me? Yes, you bet! Some of the stuffs I tried not only did not help, it worsened my condition. When that happened, I simply stop and keep searching for things that may help. Have I been reckless? Oh yes, indeed recklessness was the main driver towards my sobriety. In March this year, I ventured into mushroom growing at home. It was an awesome experience to able to harvest fresh mushroom at home. What I did not consider was the spores from the mushroom. For any healthy person, those spores are easy peasy to get rid of from their body. For me at that time still on immunosuppressant, I got infected and suffered prolonged cough. Tried all sort of medication and it only just helped the condition a little bit. I knew for a fact, I need to be weaned off the immunosuppressant in order for the fungi infected cough to be healed. Praise God I have at that point started the weaning process. The cough been quite an ordeal and I thank God once I was off the immunosuppressant, my condition started improving exponentially.

A very interesting experience of being off pharma drug was the withdrawal syndrome. My hands and feet were swollen for a month; I shivered at my neck while the peripheries of my body felt crazily warm. To intensify the drama, the prolonged cough finally affected my taste buds. When my taste buds were affected, that’s when things got hard. I enjoy my food and for that simple pleasure to be taken away, I was left in a state of choice again. Do I rise up victoriously or do I sulk in self pity? I chose victory. Well, experiencing drug withdrawal with an affected taste bud has become a reality, I may as well laugh it out. Not in my power to stop that with a switch but definitely in my power to define the experience with an attitude of praise and gratitude. As I continue to praise God for His healing power upon me and His overflowing grace that helped me through; I find peace, strength and courage to persevere in my healing journey.

So today, I am a little less young, still vibrant and regaining my energy; being thankful for the experience I had journeying from a drug pusher to a drug addict and now in sobriety. Thank you for your support dear friends through my journey. It is my prayer that you will also embody radical self responsibility when it comes to honoring your body. May your journey be an exciting one!

With lots of love,
Irene

Celebrating Progress

On By IreneIn Celebration, Courage, Faith, Grace, Hope, Journey, Myasthenia Gravis Healing Journey, ProvidenceLeave a comment

I recently learnt that healing is circular instead of linear; that was quite astounding for me. There’s great encouragement and wisdom in that school of thought. I found myself experiencing setbacks in the midst of progress periodically. Those moments can be discouraging but when seen through the lens of a circular healing journey, it’s quiet empowering. Setbacks just meant it’s time to take a pit stop and evaluate. It becomes a circle of learning more of myself and the condition. With every circle of learning, I also come to appreciate myself and the whole journey more deeply.

In an older post, I elaborated the importance of celebration. Living celebration through my healing journey from Myasthenia Gravis (MG) has been a great experience of affirmation. We started celebrating from the moment we’ve got a confirmed diagnosis as we finally knew what we are up against. When I was discharged, we celebrated with a good meal. I remember vividly how nervous was I when I finally started driving again. Thanks to the lockdown, the option at that time was me driving out to collect donations of expressed breast milk (EBM) for my child. We were blessed to have generous donors who helped us through those early months of fully breastfeeding our child. I knew my limit very well at that time, so there were great planning involved – with full gears of sunglasses and hat plus praying really hard for an overcast morning. I came back within an hour with new supply for the baby and feeling victorious. We celebrated that big time as it was real progress and such a great milestone.

Then came the time when I started on the steroid dose reduction, it was a happy day and great celebration. After a few months and was almost off steroid, I started having regression. It was quite discouraging but I did not allow that to stop me. Pushing through with a good mindset and a strong network. I was still experiencing a fair bit of symptoms back in Dec 2020 but we decided that my birthday is a good day to celebrate. Every initial disappointment after the doctor’s visit was being treated as an opportunity to find a better remedy for me.

Having friends that introduced various natural remedies to me is a true blessing. I am glad people are open and they know me well enough to be confident that I take responsibility for my decision whether to try the remedies they introduced or not. The values that I believe in and live by has also been a navigating post for me. I cannot imagine missing out on good remedies just because of being a scary blamer that absolutely nobody dare to recommend anything. Being daring to try stuffs (some of which did not work) is certainly something worth celebrating.

Celebrating progress keeps us going and it makes the journey pleasant. Dear friends, I encourage you to be creative in your celebration keeping in mind that this is not just a reward system. Celebrating yourself is directly celebrating the One who made you. Think about it, who gave you the grace to see goodness in the midst of darkness? Who enable you to work through your issues? Who is the happiest when you are happy? My answer to those questions: none other than God. I wish you a great time honoring your Creator by celebrating you.

With lots of love,
Irene

Self Responsibility and Healing

On By IreneIn Coaching, Courage, Faith, Grace, Hope, Journey, Kingdom Lifestyle, Myasthenia Gravis Healing Journey, Providence, Season of LifeLeave a comment

One common outcome I observed from coaching is the client’s shift from chaos to ownership of their actions. This eventually lead to a happier life as they embody a lifestyle that empowers them to self responsibility. They no longer see the surroundings as disadvantaging them, rather they are empowered to take the responsibility for the actions towards their wellbeing. In other word, self ownership is a major step towards meaning in life. When it comes to my healing journey, self ownership plays an important role for me – it shifts my perspective and energy towards the important and necessary. When I first got the diagnosis of Myasthenia Gravis (MG), the question I asked myself was: “what needs to happen to give me the best chance to beat this?”.

That question was the beginning of a creative journey of exploring my options. I left the hospital with prescription medicines, some advice on managing the symptoms with the prescriptions and nothing else. Lifestyle change, diet and management of stress was never mentioned. Thank God I have people who were experienced in managing other autoimmune with diet who immediately suggested that I research on the right diet. From our observation, autoimmune seems to be triggered by chronic stress, environmental change and sudden diet change. So, that became the first point of research.

There were so many articles and so little information about healing MG naturally. So a lot of decision were made based on the little knowledge we can garner. The first step was making a change in diet. My best decision was to cut down on sugar and carb. About 9 months afterwards I was so grateful I made that change. Turned out one of the side of effect of steroid is insulin insensitivity. My blood sugar was on a rising trend though still within limit. When we saw the trend, my doctor then asked me to cut down on sugar and carb. Imagine if I did not make that move earlier on! It also help as sugar worsen the symptoms for me, so it’s easier to say no.

Apart from diet I also explore the option of natural remedies that would support the healing process. MG is so rare that I never hear testimonies of any products that helped. I came across products that helped other autoimmune diseases and was very keen to try. Everybody asked me to consult my neurologist before trying anything out which is a safe move and I thank God my doctor is a very open minded and respectful person. When I brought the idea of trying the herbs out, his response was so encouraging. He told me he has no experience and the only way to find out is to try it out. If it doesn’t work, just stop it. I shared this experience with a friend of mine who is healing from another autoimmune disorder, his response was: “good on you, your doctor is very open minded and supportive”.

That is the right patient and doctor relationship. I recently came across so many instances where the opposite was true. It is utterly unacceptable that some doctors telling the patient to either listen to him/her or go home and die when the patient raised some concern. This is where we need to draw the line as patients. Something important to bear in mind is that your physician is responsible to help you co-manage your disease and you are responsible for your own well being and health. Get this, your attending physician is your hired hand, they work for you not the other way round. They are hired to provide professional opinions but it is still up to you to accept it or not. That’s why when things doesn’t feel intuitively right, it’s wise to seek second opinion. After all, informed consent of procedures and prescription drugs is the right of every patient.

Hence it is very important to NOT place your doctor as your ultimate health authority. They are also human and they like us can also make mistakes. Remember that God is your highest authority, with that set right you’ll discover great freedom in within you to listen to your body and you’ll also find creative ways to honor your God given body that has an amazing ability to heal with the right condition.

Some of us may have heard stories of people given the diagnosis of cancer and was given a “death sentence” by their physician who say that they only have a short period to live and the person really die at the predicted date. We know that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18: 21), hence that makes it even more important to know God is your authority. I was told I have a malfunctioned immune system at the beginning of the diagnosis but my immediate reaction was: “No, that’s not the truth and I refuse to believe that”. I said a prayer breaking those words and bless my body instead. I proclaimed to me that my immune system needed time to heal. This gave me great inner strength especially on difficult days that I could not even hold my eyes open for 10 seconds. Through the difficulties I still believe my body is amazing and has powerful ability to heal itself.

Another important responsibility of a person on the healing journey is to ALWAYS do your research and keep learning about the condition. Absolutely no one on this earth knows everything, even so called experts do not know it all. You are supposed to be the one who knows your body best. Unfortunately for some of us (myself included), we can be quite disconnected. When our body show us a symptom, our modern attitude would likely look for ways to suppress the symptoms like popping paracetamol whenever there’s a headache without even stopping to think if our body is trying to tell us something. Taking the symptoms seriously can help us to navigate our healing journey. Whenever the symptoms improved or worsen, I asked the question: what has been done differently? I go into all investigative mode just to make things a little fun for myself. That would give me a good way forward on what to continue or what to avoid.

Continuous education and openness to try different things has led me to a season of great progress in healing. I learnt to be patient with myself as most natural healing remedies take time and there bound to be some progress and some regress. That has been my experience with Terahertz treated water. I was initially drawn due to a lecture that pointed out our healthy cells vibrational resonance that is similar to the treated water, hence that would slowly promote healing with effective hydration. I tried it because it made sense to me and I took full responsibility in doing so and praise be to God I’ve been responding well to most of the remedies I tried.

It is really empowering to be more in tune with my own body especially when I can tell what works and what don’t. I did not choose to be sick but I chose to get the most out of my season of healing and celebrating every step of the way. Every medication weaned off is a great cause to celebrate. Every improvement on my eyelids strength when I drive is a great occasion to offer highest praise to God. I refuse to own the disease but I am owning every bit of my healing journey.

Dearest friends, have you stopped to think how in tune are you with your body? Do you agree that bodily health gives us the freedom to live out our calling more fully? Be encouraged therefore to take ownership of what you do with your body. Take time to read labels of food ingredients and discern well what you allow into your body, medication included. I pray for a great healing journey as well as a blessed journey of self discovery. Most importantly trust your God given body because your Creator designs well. May you be blessed.

With lots of love,
Irene

From Fear to Fullness of Life

On By IreneIn Coaching, Courage, Faith, Grace, Hope, Journey, Kingdom Lifestyle, Myasthenia Gravis Healing Journey, Season of LifeLeave a comment
Teal is the color representing Myasthenia Gravis

June is the month dedicated to the awareness of Myasthenia Gravis (MG) and it has become really close to my heart being on my journey of healing from Myasthenia Gravis. Yes I know the general consensus said that the condition has no cure but I choose to trust in my body’s ability to heal. MG thrivers are sometimes called snowflake warriors for the fact that every case is unique. That pose a challenge of its own as there is no certainty or a good pattern as reference. I have taken the path of looking at my unique condition as an opportunity to experience fullness of life in ways I would not have explored otherwise.

When I was given the diagnosis in Feb 2020, my world was an utter chaos. There were so many things that I needed to consider and to take care of, all at the same time giving myself the best chance to beat this. Not only my world was chaotic, the world around me turned into a real chaos with the lockdown and restrictions started to affect our lives shortly after I was discharged from the hospital. The looming fear at that point of time was intense and I can feel it in the atmosphere. If anything you need to know about autoimmunity, extreme stress is very bad for any autoimmune condition. Mine was triggered by a prolonged period of unmanaged stress plus sudden change of environment. It is also known that people who are immunosuppressed like myself are categorized as being high risk of viral infection. So it was natural of me of being fearful.

I was just beginning to navigate life with a chronic condition and then this virus chaos came about. Fear was all over the place and I was not spared from it. Fear causes stress that worsen my condition and it’s very easy to see how bad it affect me. So I made a conscious decision since being out of the hospital to manage my stress well. This fear business took a toll on me as almost everyone around me were fear filled about the virus. I reached the tipping point real quickly and decided that fear is no way of living. It was sucking life out of me and I did not like it. In my desperation for life literally, I called upon the name of Jesus and asked Him; what should I do? How do I live?

“Let your faith be bigger than your fear!”

That was all I heard and that was enough to propel me forward. The first strategy of winning a battle is to know the enemy and that’s where I started – naming my fear. It was not hard to name them as the first and biggest one that came out was the fear of death. I feared death after escaping death not too long ago. I feared that an infection may kill me because at that point of time I was swallowing 20 tablets daily; a majority of which were immunosuppressive drugs. That would made me really vulnerable. Nailing this fear to the cross and charging forward in life with faith was my experience of saving grace. I have confidence and courage that I will live and thrive. Proper precaution taken, the rest is trust and choosing to live in joy. After all, my health is my responsibility, I personally think it is unfair to put my health risk as a burden for the rest of the society. Praise be to God for His protection; all through this year of healing I have regained strength and is rarely sick.

Putting fear in perspective is an important element in moving forward. The way to do that is to seek the truth about the specific situation. We know that the truth will set us free although it is likely to be uncomfortable. Let’s look at some comparison: if you catch a cold, you know that the chance of you recovering and healing is more than 99%. With that knowledge, fear is by logic small in comparison. The inconvenience of being unable to function optimally for a few days that may bother you more than the fear of death. In my situation with MG, nothing was certain. When I was administered with the rescue medication, there was no guarantee that it will work on me, we hope I respond which I did (with no side effects). Same with the maintenance medication, we can only hope I respond, which I also did until we adjusted the dose. When I asked if a remission is possible, the answer I got was “I can’t tell you for sure because MG is so variable. Some patients get into remission and it came back again, some get into permanent remission and some never get into remission”.

With such variability and uncertainty, it was very easy to despair and let fear grip over my life. But I knew this very clearly, fear perpetuate stress and stress worsen the symptoms. Given the situation, although saddened, I made the choice to live in hope. If some people get into a permanent remission, I shall be one of them. The choice I made to live in the fullness of hope and life carved my way forward. I took actions that would give me the best chance to get to the remission. A massive change in lifestyle was required – diet, habits, routine etc. It was a sharp learning curve to be in tuned with my body again. I realized how brainwashed I was! And that was uncomfortable! One great thing coming out of this healing journey is the deepening of my empathy towards myself as well as to others especially those who could not see a way forward in a fear saturated world.

Being able to face my fears with the truth and knowledge in hand and then move forward in faith has been a great blessing. I live in freedom precisely because I never allow the disease to define who I am. I admit it is not the easiest of journey and fear does creep in from time to time. I allow my self to process the fear and then to formulate the way forward with my Saviour. All this is possible thanks to my years as a coach and also those years in ministering to people as well as support from my inner circle.

Fear is a constant companion whether we like it or not. Some are necessary like in the case of meeting a tiger, you better let your fear propel you run for your life. I would say most fear we face today are opportunities if we allow them to. Dear friends, if you are having difficulty in navigating fear and are feeling stuck, do feel free to reach out to me. I run my own coaching practice and I can also recommend other coaches or counsellors to you. Know that it is my prayer for you to be well. Fear does not have the final say and it is possible to live victoriously. May you be blessed!

With lots of love,
Irene

My Mother – My Hero

On By IreneIn Faith, Family, JourneyLeave a comment

It has been three years since dad left us. Three years ago today, our lives were forever changed. As I remember this important event in my life, my heart swell with gratitude for my mother who has been heroic at that time. The memory of that day and the days preceding my father’s death is still fresh in my mind. I remember the fateful Sunday, 23 Feb 2014 when dad had a hypertensive bleed in his brain that caused his death, mom was pretty calm when she told us that things were not looking very good.

The bleed has been deep seated and the medical team was not too keen to try as the chances of survival was really slim. But we, the children could not let go and mom was the hero at that time. She was in her role as our mother at that precise moment when it would be so easy for her to be weak. After all, she was losing her husband, she has all the right to be weak and needy. After spending some time in prayer, we decided to give dad a chance by releasing the blood in his brain through surgery. I knew mom was not very keen as she knew what chance my dad stand through her experience working as a nurse. She was however respectful of our decision when she told us; “if all of you want to give dad a chance, I will sign the consent for surgery”.

Through the longest 72 hours of our lives – from the drama of the hypertensive bleed in the brain to the surgery to the 50 minutes of reviving my dad due to a cardiac arrest to the moment we let go of him; mom has been MOTHER. She was the one who provided us with comfort and consolation. I was the one who could not let go and she was there to listen to me. Never once had I experience an inversion of role through the death of my father. Having had some knowledge of inner healing principle, I know how damaging parental inversion could be and it is really likely to happen in times like this. Although as an adult, I would probably be less affected should it happen. Looking back, it was kind of funny that we were trying to be strong for our mother but it turned out the strong one was her. Strength found in her vulnerability.

At the time of mourning, she learnt to pray the rosary for the first time and she is open to share with us how much she misses dad. Mom have to relearn and readjust to life without her life partner. I can imagine how hard it was! She has been dependent on dad especially in terms of transport and after 30 years of not driving a car, my mother started driving again. How amazing is that! She went on to grow in her faith and she was baptized into the Catholic Church on Easter of 2015.

I have the privilege to witness her growth in her faith thanks to technology. I would love to be with her physically but I would never trade it for anything. God knows me enough to know that if I were there with mom physically through these 3 years, she may not have the opportunity to experience what she had experienced. I would be way too happy to be her driver and my physical presence may have prevented her from driving again. She gets to make new friends in the circle of faith and if I were around, that may be a different outcome.

Siblings
Re-enactment of our childhood photo

Today my relationship with my mother has grown so much closer; partially thanks to technology but most importantly thanks to the grace God has showered on us. I am grateful for my siblings who are taking care of my mother. Without you; Simon, Olivia, Martha and Bartholomew; who would I be? Thank you for your relentless care towards mom. Mommy, thank you for being our MOTHER!

With lots of love,

Irene

Following the Star

On By IreneIn Faith, Journey, WorthLeave a comment

The Feast of Epiphany celebrated today is the great feast of revelation of the Word became flesh. It is apt to note that the wise men followed the star to reach to where Jesus was. The star caught my attention today as I ponder upon this great feast. The revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ was guided by a star. That brought me back to precious memory some time ago when a trusted friend and brother honoured me. What he mentioned stayed with me and that made me question am I really living that out?

“You are a STAR and you are meant to shine” was the line that stayed with me. If I am star and shining, is my light leading people to Christ? Just as the Star of Bethlehem did to the wise men? The other question that I frequently ask myself is; am I even shining? Sometimes it is hard to see the value of my being through my tainted lens. I wonder if I am living fully as God intended me to be. Being in touch with my humanity – my strength and weakness, my beauty and my not too beautiful side, my joys and my sorrows, my talents and my areas of lack; brought me to a place of humility. This is where I can praise God for making me Irene – the one that does not have it all, the one that is in constant need of her saviour, the one that desires to glorify God through her being. What can I say but thank you.

My recent months journey has taught me a great lesson of total dependance on God. Being a generally hopeful and positive person, it was never exactly easy for me to understand tragedy or failure. I have been quite blessed to not have major failures in my life and I like to see those as opportunity to rise higher instead of looking at it as failure. And through my journey of ups and downs – with downs that made me felt helpless and hopeless; I finally get it. I get how it felt like when there seems to be no hope. I get it now why it was tough for people to get out of the pit once they fall into it. God was training me to be all for all – strong for the strong, weak for the weak, compassion for the grieving and celebrations for the joyful. With my somewhat glorious past, it was never that easy to connect to people who struggle with failures and hopelessness. I am grateful that God has found me worthy of this journey.

Through the rough patch, I also learnt what it meant to give a sacrifice of praise and I know how valuable are those praises and worship. Choosing to smile and to give my best even at times that I do not feel like doing so. I get it now how much Christ love me and how He supply sufficient grace to sustain me. Coming back to my question; am I a shining star? Well, once a wise man told me – when things seems bleak, check the fruit of your being and he quoted Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa been through a period of darkness in her soul but she remained faithful and her ministry flourished. That is the fruit!

It gives me much encouragement that although sometimes I do not feel like I am shining but a star will always remain a star – it shines. And I believe that each one of us is a unique star. We are meant to shine and our ray is the leading light that brings people to Christ. Quoting Mother Teresa again when she was asked if Jesus was like her and her answer was; “No, in fact I want to be like Jesus”. It was her witness that drew people to ask if Jesus was anything like her and the reality was that she aspired to be like Jesus. Who would not be drawn to Jesus by such great witness?

Mother Teresa was simply living out her being as the beloved of Christ and if we allow ourselves to be loved into our being by Christ, we would also be simply living out our intended being. May we all find the courage to allow God to love us more and more and may we allow His love to break our being into His light. And as His light, may our being draw more people to believe in the One who first loved us.

May you have a shining 2017!

With lots of love,

Irene

 

 

The Colours of God’s Dream

On By IreneIn Dreams, Faith, JourneyLeave a comment

“What is your passion?”

That is my favourite question to ask people I meet. More often than not it stirred something deep in the person. And the stirring manifest differently in different people. I am taking great risks when I put that forth and through some pleasant and some unpleasant responses, I learnt to be more discerning when I ask questions.

Our passion is deeply connected to our dreams and desires. I had numerous encounter with good meaning Christian who told me that I should throw away all my desires, dreams and plan. Personally for me, I tend to disagree with this approach. I believe our desires and dreams are God given. However, due to our sinfulness and our wounds in the past, our desires and dreams became tainted. The saving work of Christ has enabled me to acknowledge the tainting of my desires and dreams. And as a response to His mercy, I believe it is only fair that I go on a quest of allowing Christ to purify those desires and dreams.

I have been privileged to be reminded of a buried dream as a result of my fears and insecurities. That God given dream was buried because I allowed the other voice to overwhelm that still small encouraging voice. As I look at the Cross, I realised that I feared the pain of the process towards achieving that dream. The process towards the achievement of the dream is the purification process. More often than not, purification is a painful process.

God’s dream of salvation for mankind is of no difference. That process towards the attainment of mankind’s salvation involved great pain. And it is called the PASSION of Christ. The pain I am fearing is nothing in comparison to Christ’s. In fact, his PASSION has made it possible for me to dream His dreams.

The field of His dreams for me is the Holy Ground He has invited me to step into. Realising it as a Holy Ground, I fell to my knees feeling so unworthy to step into it. I was not even able to take off my sandals to step on His Holy Ground.

That was the moment of grace that Jesus came in His gentleman manner; inviting me to take a sit, asked me for my permission to allow Him to take off my sandals for me so that He can wash my feet. With my feet washed, He asked me to step in. How would you not be touched by that?

I was totally blown away by His mercy! How is it possible that God Himself would give me an invitation as such? What merit have I to be bestowed such an honour?

It was not until I heard a teaching on Isaiah 61 did I understand the logic behind Jesus’ invitation (see ICCRS 2013 Prophecies). My pair of sandals represents my pride and my fears; hence it made all sense that I was unable to take them off myself. Only Jesus can save me from my sin. Without Him, I simply cannot get rid of my pride and fears.

In His mercy, God has invited me to this journey of intimacy that has given me the grace to accept His love. I used to be that confident girl who thought that she was able to conquer the world. And mind me, my confidence is amazing gift. However, God desires more for me. He wants me to be fully dependent and to recognise who He is in His dreams for me. He wants me to possess His confidence.

If you have in any way felt unworthy to step into His Holy Ground, praise God! Recognising my poverty before God has been really painful and at the same time very freeing. Embracing the fact that I do have a need and my Saviour is ever ready to fulfil that need – is simply liberating. It fills me with hope of glory, that I do not have to have it all to move to higher ground.

Dear friends, let us approach the throne of grace with confidence and reignite our God’s dreams once again. If you are ever tempted to bury those dreams, just remember that Jesus is just a call away. As the image above shown, we are indeed the pencils (with different colours) in God’s hand. As Mother Teresa encouraged us; let us allow God to hold this pencil and draw His beautiful picture – His dreams for our lives.

May you be blessed!!!

With lots of love,
Irene

Note: Photo Credit – Stefan Hensel (Title: The Colour Spectrum)