Sometime ago, a friend of mine posted a picture on Facebook with the question;
“Would you like you, if you meet you?”
That question strikes a deep chord in me. And I saw that at a down moment in my life. A time that I doubted my own goodness. I have been blessed with strength in character and a series of capabilities that make up the Irene that you know. It took me a long while to acknowledge and embrace the person I am. Through a constant journey of healing and transformation, I started to appreciate all that is given me and all that I am about to discover as well.
My strengths, however, are perfect tools to survive in the world. But I believe I am made to LIVE (John 10: 10) not merely surviving. Hence, there were always this tension in within me when I was working in the corporate world. The tension between living a life of integrity and conforming to the industry norms which are on contrary to my principles. But the money was really good. Hence, letting go of my lucrative former job for a life dedicated to God’s mission was not entirely easy for me. Afterall, my best talent is making money. At the same time I was also very good in spending it away.
As I left that behind, part of me was ashamed of my past. Without realising it, I was also ashamed of my natural strength. I felt that it was a hindrance to be a missionary. I recognised that I am of an unusual mould for mission. I do not seems to have the qualities of the first disciples. Scriptures spoke a lot of weakness in the eyes of the world. And me being unaware of the greatness of my God; interpreted it in a way that said – I would not be chosen because of my natural strength.
Spending time wrestling with God and thanks to my stubbornness that would not settle for less, I am blessed beyond words. Deep in me I knew that still small voice who called me by name. But I could not deny my discomfort living in an environment that does not seems to appreciate my strength. Through these struggles I came to recognise my poverty. Strange enough it is a poverty in strength.
I felt so helpless feeling so weak because of my strengths. But that was where God met me. In my poverty, He showed me my beauty. He affirmed me once again that my strengths are His gift for me. It does not belong to me as I do not merit it but He has chosen me to carry these gifts of strength to bless His kingdom. No matter how I think of myself, I am loved beyond measure. His love is the constant in my life.
So, when I met me, I have the grace to like me. I started with an affirmation of my journey. Thanking myself for being courageous to step into uncharted grounds. I appreciate my desire to go deeper with Christ and I am seeing the beautiful fruits as a direct result of that. I like how I am willing to allow God to bring to death my natural strengths and waited on Him to resurrect it into His redeemed strength. There were lots more that I like about me and meeting me has lifted my spirit. Not only was I lifted, I was also strengthen to continue on my journey. I desire to know me more and to know God more. I desire to allow God to redeem the unredeemed areas of my life. And I am excited for more of Christ in my life.
Dear friends, we all need sustanence in our journey. As much as the journey is beautiful, we still get hungry, thirsty and tired as we move. Hence, it is important to get the right nourishment and rest. Wherever you are in your journey, know that it is always beautiful to look up and I pray that you will nourish yourself well with the Word of God, the sacraments and your rest in God. I pray that you will like you when you meet you.
May you be blessed!
With lots of love,