Digitalization can be DEHUMANIZING!

On By IreneIn Digital World, Grace, Hope, Season of LifeLeave a comment

Today I get a taste of 3 different types of experience in 3 different government offices. Who likes going to government offices? I think I can safely say; most people find government offices dealing a little (or very) apprehensive. My first dealing of the day at the High Court of Kota Kinabalu was like paradise. I was greeted with a “Good morning, how can I help you today?”. We even joked a bit with me singing a little line from a Raya song: setahun hanya sekali. Both me and the counter officer had a pleasant exchange and I got my declaration done rather smoothly.

Next stop was my hell experience at the Inland Revenue office (LHDN). Just to compare with last year what digitalization did to some of the staffs at LHDN left me pretty saddened. Last year when I needed to get my stamp duty done, the LHDN office was undergoing renovation, so you can imagine the chaos. All the customers related counters were moved to their hall. In the midst of that, transaction was efficient and people were helpful. Very human; there were smile and courtesy among the staff with the customers. Today it was hellish, the only person who treated me with a smile and courtesy was the guy at the information counter. In my opinion, he is one of the only relevant staff in that office. Due to the migration of their system, they no longer provide any service pertaining stamp duty. I learnt today I can get everything done at home which is great for people with access to the internet and internet banking. The dehumanizing part was how rude the floating staffs were to me. Without explaining that I have to do everything myself as the migration to fully digital system has happened, she commanded me to take out my phone and google stamp. I found that rather intrusive. So my natural question was: what if I don’t have my phone with me? In a defensive tone, she argued that I must have my phone with me. What she did was taking power away from me. So reluctantly I took out my phone, and then guess what? That’s all the help she can afford, can’t even stay there for a bit to see if I need further help. To make matter worst, internet connection was not the best. I was already annoyed with her intrusive behavior and then she walked off to sit down and chat with another floating staff. So I went to another staff with a rather annoyed face and he sent me to a counter. The guy at the counter “helped” me reluctantly even talked about me in front of me with a customer he was attending to, semi making fun at how annoyed I was. The guy at the counter was rude, sarcastic and made it clear that I have to bow down to him if I want this done. I have a big problem with this kind of attitude. After getting things done, I still apologize for my stern voice but I told him almost directly that his job is on the line with rapid digitalization. There will be less need of manpower and guess who should go first? The two floating and very unhelpful ladies should also be the first in line to go because they are redundant. Why should taxpayers money be wasted on people who are not contributing to the organization? 

If the lady had explained it to me in the first place that everything has migrated to an online system and asked me politely if I am comfortable, she could guide me through it using my phone; I would happily say yes and would appreciate the courtesy. But I was treated with a tone of “no choice here, you either bow down or I am not going to help you attitude”; I have a huge issue with that. If all she did was floating around doing no customer service, the explanation and perhaps a printed guidelines can already be given out by the man at the information counter. The renovation at LHDN basically made it like a mall atrium, not an office to serve people.

Then came my third experience at the National Registration Department (JPN) in UTC. The number of people was at least 10 times more. Thanks to the encouragement to walk, I took the stairs up two storeys. Unsurprisingly as I arrived, I was gasping for air. I got myself confused and went to the wrong counter. The officer at the counter greeted me with a smile and directed me to the right counter to get my number. As I took my number I was greeted with a smile as well and a short chat to ask me to breath slowly. What a difference already! I felt I was treated with more humanity and not as a mechanized machine that only need to follow instruction. The queue was pretty long in JPN and then by the grace of God I spotted a special assistant counter for the elderly, pregnant women and the disabled. So I waited until it was empty and asked the officer to help me (I have a disability pass). He was courteous and polite, very helpful although it was almost lunchtime for him. I am really grateful for the human treatment at JPN, which was way more chaotic if we were to compare the level of busyness. 

As I reflect on the difference of treatment, I came to an observation that the difference came in the one factor: digitalization. When human service was expected of LHDN, they acted more humanly and it is different now. They probably are not aware of this reality because typical government department rigidity can become a norm that shapes the culture. I also notice there is no need for good service in LHDN as customers do not have any immediate way of assessing the level of satisfaction. Perhaps they thought that gave them the license to act like jerk. In JPN, each counter has a satisfaction rating; perhaps that was a small gesture that goes a long way for the staffs. In the high court, people dealing is their daily business and it probably doesn’t make sense to digitalize our judiciary system. 

Digitalization can indeed streamline a lot of things. In my case, I wish immigration processes can be streamlined more efficiently through digital aids. Year in year out, I did the same statutory declaration, same duty stamping, fill in the same forms, certified true copies of the same documents and going through the same processes every year. The JPN system should be linked to the immigration system. If I am renewing my husband’s pass, then JPN should have the information that I am still married to him. My ID card remain the same; so doing the same thing every year can certainly be streamlined. I can understand the longer process the first time round but after so many years, it is still the same. And this repetitive and time wasting procedure also applies to our countrymen from the other states who wants to stay here long term. So in a sense, there’s not much of a difference between a foreigner and a non Sabahan Malaysian. 

When things taken to the extreme, it becomes bad. It is the same with digitalization. In my opinion, even with digitalization of processes, service counter that provide help physically should still exist. We encountered a man in Centre Point at the parking payment. It was his first time using the machine and I am grateful that cash payment still exist. This man, not too young in age, was having much trouble with the payment system which was too confusing for him. He managed to get it done but was doubtful if he has done it. We happened to be there and helped him a bit. I believe we are born with our freedom to choose to not own a smart phone or even a bank account or an online banking facility. For a person who chose to live differently – no digital access to their money (like my mother who doesn’t know how to use internet banking) or someone who only wants a basic phone; these will be the “marginalized” of the society. In LHDN stamping system, you MUST have internet access and internet banking, there’s no other way. What kind of messaging is this sending to us? 

Learning from the recent CrowdStrike incident, do we really want to go fully digital? Can you imagine a fully digitalized world? I think we need to balance between enjoying the benefit and convenience of digitalization and the consciousness of remaining human. I read a story of elderly gentleman who was introduced to internet banking by his son. His son totally sold him the convenience of internet banking and how he gets to skip the queue. The elderly gentleman answered his son with such wisdom that sort of slap me on the face. He said this: “Son, I am a retired man with time in my hand. Skipping the queue is great but I don’t need it. What going to the bank physically does to me was something that internet banking cannot replace. I get to interact with another human being. I get to catch up with the neighbor and sometimes get coffee afterwards. Internet banking involves no human but I am a human being who appreciates other human”.

Being a people person, I appreciate being around people. And being a person who has worked in a service line with difficult customers, I appreciate good customer service. It makes a lot of difference to a fellow human being treated as one created in the image and likeness of God. What can we do in this age and time to humanize our digitalized world? The teaching from St. Paul came to mind as an encouragement for us;

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 12: 2

“Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord.Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.” – Romans 12: 9-13

These are words that serve as a reminder for me, that goodness starts from me; that my experiences can be turned into an opportunity to glorify God. May you find balance, blessings and may we continue to consciously bring out the best in humanity.

With lots of love,
Irene

Why Pursuing Our Passion is Crucial for Our Children

On By IreneIn Celebration, Commitment, Courage, Creativity, Dreams, Faith, Grace, Healing, Homemaker, Homeschooling, Hope, Journey, JumpStart, Kingdom Lifestyle, Motherhood, Season of Life, WorthLeave a comment

What legacy do you want leave? How would you like your children to remember you? These are questions that I asked myself often. I aspire to be a mother who inspires my children to rise higher and that involves some sacrifice from me. In my current triple-H reality of Homemaking, Homeschooling and Health Healing, wanting to rise higher myself can feel like an impossible task. Parenting is energy intensive and it can drain us at the end of the day. Some days I feel like I don’t even like my child due to the drained energy. And those are the days that I easily fell into the trap of blaming her for not being able to live my life fully. By the grace of God, I am aware this is not to be. My child is my reason to rise higher not my stumbling block.

After days and months and years of reflection and evaluation, I came to see some light. I want to pursue my passion and dreams as my means of living fully. That in turn will fill my tank and that tank overflows to my child. But I also need to be realistic; what works and what does not. How do I move in the ever changing rhythm? What becomes important in this journey? I am going to share practicals in three areas that would hopefully help us to move forward in our journey of pursuing our dreams.

Stress Management
This is an inevitable part of our modern life. Stress is also a nasty cause of diseases, hence it is so important to possess the skills to manage our stress. In my current reality, my days are pretty full as I am the kitchen ministry, cleaning ministry, children ministry, health ministry, purchasing officer etc. I cook most of our meals at home due to our health condition. My child is involved in cleaning, cooking and housework as this is part of homeschooling. This does not make my task faster but it does make our lives more pleasant and fun. Living with Myasthenia Gravis has limited me in a big way and to add that on, being a supporting wife of a struggling entrepreneur added a good amount of stress in my life.

So what works best when life gets overwhelming? Before the downward spiral spins out of control; STOP, PAUSE and BE PRESENT. This helps with emotion regulation. Simply by noticing your breathing or any one sense at a time helps us to relax. Just doing it for 5 minutes can free our body from the grip of stress. Once we are calm, we can acknowledge what happened in a neutral way and then let the grip go. This is helpful on a daily basis and when practiced intentionally, we trained ourselves to relax and let go of stress whenever we need to.

Staying Focused on Your Dreams
What are your passions and dreams? What makes you alive? Are you working on it? These are questions that would give us a clue where we are at with our dreams. If you can name your dreams, write them down and have it in a prominent place. Take encouragement from this scripture;

This serves as a good reminder of what is in your heart and what you are working towards. If you are unsure of your passions and dreams, I’d like to invite you to connect with us at JumpStart. JumpStart is a programme that will help you to discover what’s in your heart and you’ll also receive the tools to plan towards them. Engaging with a coach or someone to accompany you in your journey of the pursuit of your dreams and passions is a good idea regardless of where you are at.

Incorporating Your Dreams in Your Daily Life
Pursuing our dreams as parents is a delicate balancing act. First thing to evaluate is our daily and weekly rhythm. What does your typical day look like? What time do you wake up and then what follows? Are there time in my day that I wasted? I surely have that, I sometime waste my time on the internet doing things like scrolling videos that did not help me to further my dreams. Including time wasting activities in our evaluation will help us to clearly make a decision of what work best for us.

Making pursuing our dreams part of our lifestyle IS going to cost us. Be prepared to make sacrifices for our children and also be gracious towards ourselves from time to time. I am a typical go getter hyper achiever type of person. When I am focused on something, it is not easy to slack that off. So for me, growth is to be able to slow down, enjoy the learning from parenthood, soaked in the love of the Father in my season and be gracious to myself when I did not achieve what I aimed to do. It will take longer for me to pursue my dreams but what’s important is that I am on the track.

These practicals becomes easier when it is lived with great intention. I highly encourage having someone to journey alongside you as you pursue your dreams. Our children are precious and they deserve to have great role models in us, their parents. May you find great fulfillment as you pursue your dreams precisely because of your children.

With lots of love,
Irene

The Gift of Spiritual Motherhood

On By IreneIn Celebration, Faith, Family, Grace, Healing, Hope, Journey, Kingdom Lifestyle, Motherhood, Season of Life, Womanhood, WorthLeave a comment

When I was researching on the whether women has the innate desire to mother, I was pretty surprise to see articles coming from secular sites that said it is a myth. So what they claimed is that not all women has that mothering desire or instinct. I personally don’t agree that it is a myth. The world we are living in are trying to take women away from their natural ability or desire to mother. We were told to be career focused, that motherhood can wait. What seems to be common is that something in us tells us otherwise. For me, it was hard to pin point what was that opposing forces within me – what I presented and live by was a strong career minded women who appreciated her independence. The other other part of me was feeling so satisfied and fulfilled when I spend time giving myself as a gift by nurturing young souls.

That was an expression of Spiritual Motherhood that I experienced as a single unmarried woman. Something unbeknownst to me when I enjoyed my time with my nephews, nieces and Goddaughters. Those years of living out my womanhood as a Spiritual Mother has prepared me to where I am as a physical mother now. The blessing is mutual: I was immensely blessed, so was my Goddaughters. Looking back at those days, I wish I knew these three guiding elements that would help me to be a joyful, effective and fulfilled Spiritual Mother. I share this is in full in this video and here’s the summary for those of us who prefer reading.

The first one is deepening our relationship with Christ. The Catechism of the Catholic Church No. 27 states;

The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for:

It cannot get clearer than this: our deepest longing or we may call it a deep hole that keeps on leaking unless it is filled with the love of God. Having a living relationship with Christ will fill that God sized hole in our hearts. Why does this matter for Spiritual Motherhood? The living relationship with Christ is the base of our lives, this is something for everybody. In the context of our service as Spiritual Mother, a living relationship with Christ will help us in the way of detachment. Long time ago, I had an encounter with someone who played the role of Spiritual Mother to me. She was incidentally available at the time I needed someone to talk through some issues I was facing. The conversation helped me to hear myself out and to calm down from the stress that I was experiencing. So I thanked her at the end of our conversation and she in turned said this: thank you for making me feel needed.

That actually left me feeling cringed. Gosh, the need to be needed can be unhealthy for us. If we are not careful, we can unintentionally idolize it. I acknowledge there’s place for being needed; as a mother I am needed and that’s a reality. To help us moderate and sanctify our need to be needed, we need Christ as our centre. The best way to do it is to make time for prayer. I would propose making the first hour of the day a sacred hour for the Lord. Spend that hour seeking knowledge of God through scriptures reading. It is also really good to read the commentaries on the chapter you are on. The sacred hour doesn’t have to be a full hour; it’s not five minutes either. It’s a chunk of time that you dedicate for prayer and scripture reading.

Becoming a woman of the Word is a way to shape our lives to be better Spiritual Mothers. Who is a better model of this than our Blessed Mother Mary? This brings me to the second element; consecration to Mother Mary. She is the perfect disciple, a woman of the Word and truly a woman after God’s own heart. In John 19: 26, Jesus gave His Mother to us. She’s called THE MOTHER in that verse. How awesome is that! She is our Mother as well! When I finally consecrate myself to her, I had in my heart set on having a relationship with her as well; I want to learn from her, I want to be a better disciple, I want to model after her as a woman after God’s own heart.

With that desire in mind, my consecration to Mother Mary has truly bear fruits of holiness. Areas of my life that needed sanctification were brought to light. Slowly but surely, I am growing in my dignity as a beloved daughter of God. It was also really interesting to note this beautiful connection of how Mother Mary was instrumental to intercede for me. I was so inspired to put aside time to live out my consecrated and intentional singlehood in 2014 and when that period ends, the main fruit was a clearer invitation as well as a clearer courage for me to embrace sacramental marriage as a state of life vocation. So with that fruit, I started a 54 Days Rosary Novena with the intention to pray for my future husband. My intention was to be married to a man after God’s own heart, that God is his absolute number one so that he will lay his life down for me, his bride. At the same time, I also prayed that I become a woman after God’s own heart, that God is my absolute number one so that I would be able to submit to this man God has for me. God wasted no time and got to work on me. The amazing thing then happened in 2017, when I finally decided to consecrated myself to Mother Mary. I did a 33 Days DIY retreat towards my consecration and at that period, I was reconnected to Hans, although totally unaware of the movement God was making through Hans. On consecration day, Hans attended the Assumption mass with me, we were seeing each other back then and the rest is History. Of course I am not suggesting that Mama Mary will lead you to your spouse but who knows!

When we intentionally make time to know Jesus deeply and when we consecrate ourselves to our Blessed Mother, our life becomes richer. This richness is meant to be shared in community which brings me to the third element; becoming part of a life giving community. We are social beings and as a woman, a support system outside our home is essential. It is also important to choose a community of people who are as committed to your growth as you are committed to theirs. What does a life giving community looks like?

Before we get there, let’s be a little cliche in this. I used to roll my eyes whenever people say this to me whenever I pointed out elephants in the room that existed in the community. I almost always get this: “there’s no perfect community, Irene”. Duh! I know, I just wanted to be heard. What it sounded to me was just an excuse to not change. But that line is true; there is no perfect community because we live in a broken world. This is something we need to be aware of when we join a community. A healthy community ought to be imperfect but life giving. Life giving in the sense of speaking the truth of Christ, providing support, encouraging and challenging you to rise up. This is the place you share and celebrate your growth as well as the place to get support when you are in need. A place where accountability is taken seriously. Try to visit different communities and see which one resonates with you most and which will support you in your journey of holiness.

I really wish I knew these 3 element more clearly when I was younger and made it a lifestyle more intentionally. Our dignity as women is God given, we are called to steward our gifts well and therefore express our identity in the best way possible. Our life experience is also so precious, there are times that we are honored and there are also times that we are disadvantaged. As in community, the world in which we live in is also not perfect, it is not always easy to navigate our lives as women. We feel the pains of loneliness, the pains of unfulfilled longings and so much more. Deeper than that is the truth that Christ is still our centre and He is faithful. In this Mother’s Day, may all women be honored in our dignity. To birth and adoptive mothers; thank you for loving sacrifices for your children. You are indeed the pillar of society. To all bereaved mothers, your tears are counted and thank you for growing even more beautifully in your vocation honoring the children that has returned to the Lord. To spiritual mothers, thank you for channeling your innate maternal energy to add colors and positive impact to the lives of our children and most importantly thank you for your sincere prayers for the conversion of the world. Happy Mother’s Day.

With lots of love,
Irene

Viva Christo Rey!

On By IreneIn Faith, Grace, Journey, SacramentLeave a comment

“Jesus, King of the Universe wants to be my friend!” 😱🤯

Yes, the emoji was literally my reaction a year ago when that revelation hit me during a time of worship. How awesome is the fact that Jesus, the Universal King wants to be my friend! It’s me that He wants to befriend. That feeling of excitement mingled with “Seriously? Me?” was prevalent at that moment of grace.

As I calmed down, I started asking what is the appropriate response from me. I realised that I want to honour this King-friend of mine to the best of my ability. Christ doesn’t need anything from me but my response and attitude in approaching this friendship changes everything for me. It’s true that God doesn’t need our worship. Our worship of God is really for our sake – for our sanctification.

What constitute “the best of my ability?”. For me, it starts with my body language, the most visible response. Do I approach my Eucharistic King-friend with reverent? Do I dress appropriately for mass or do I dress better at a party? Do I really believe in the real presence of Christ in the Holy Eucharist? Do I give my small change or do I give from my heart? Does God get my “first fruit”? The list goes on and on.

I desire to present my body as a living sacrifice to this King- friend of mine. Therefore, He deserves me dressing up a bit for mass, He deserves me receiving His body in a reverant manner, He deserves my trust and He definitely deserves my best offering.

In the past as a young lady (and quite a vainpot), I remember being asked by my non believer father why was I dressed so casually (3 quarter length pants and t-shirt with heels of course!) if I was going for mass. I was at that point, in the beginning of my faith journey with little understanding of hierachy of importance. Then not long after that, my old parish priest challenged us in a formation session about our attire to mass. He commented that most people dress better to work than to mass where they meet the King of kings. That ran deep for me. And I began to change my attitude slowly as I grew deeper in faith. Today I get it even more, dressing up for mass is honouring Christ. Just like with any earthly kings, we don’t have an audience with them dressed with 3 quarter length pants, t-shirt and heels. Common sense tells us to dress appropriately. If an earthly king gets our attention, why not the King of kings? I also learnt in a big way that my body language change me and starting with the way the dress is by far the easiest step. My demeanor follows the way I dress anyway. The young vainpot Irene would have fret over what to wear every week; praise God that today I just feel free to be wearing any decent and comfortable attire. So happy to say I can get ready in under 10mins. Dressing up for my King-friend has another important dimension; it reminds me of my rightful place – that I am a creature facing my Creator. Like the Wise Men recognising Christ, the King; I want to pay Him homage.

Viva Christo Rey!

With lots of love,
Irene

The Beloved Who Suffers Well – Part 4

On By IreneIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Beginning the new year with quite a challenging reflection was not my intention. However, that week’s experience has prompted me to write and share a rather challenging reflection. In the midst of being so sick, I was thrown with a situation where assumptive judgment was placed on me with no possibility of a real conversation. Here’s the reflection written and shared on 1 January 2023

Happy New Year! Hope you had a great time closing 2022 with gratitude and welcome 2023 with joy. Sharing with you this week’s reflection with the theme “Grace-filled Dance”

Last week on Christmas night, I’ve been thrown with an unexpected challenge. In my quest of sharing my life through my healing journey, someone I loved and respected was apparently unhappy about my health decisions and judged me of being on the wrong path both healthwise and spiritually. This was communicated to me via another person. I was shocked as there was never a real conversation and everything was based on the person’s assumptions. She never opened a real conversation with me, so I felt trapped.

Thanks be to God for His grace and the skills I have built over the years to shift to safety and then to process the whole situation. Being a person who cares about my relationships, that incident affected me and it showed on my body. As I reflected on it, I am being reminded of Simeon’s prophecy to our Blessed Mother;

“A sword will pierce your own soul” – Luke 2: 35

The other person has no idea of what it is like to live with a chronic illness. It is so unpredictable and for my case it’s an invisible disability. People can be mean and judgmental; and I realized that Christ is inviting me to also suffer well in times of being misunderstood. Our Blessed Mother taught us how and I want to be like her; dancing to the music of life with grace.

Dear friends, thank you so much for being part of my journey these past 4 weeks. As I step out in faith to bring hope for people who suffer, through expansion of my calling as a coach; I am making all my past and future reflections available on my website (fullyalive.live). I believe that everyone deserves victory in their suffering and I am honoured to be bringing this message to the world.

Wishing you a grace filled 2023 and may you enjoy the dance of life with Christ by your side.

May your soul give glory to the Lord in all circumstance for He is good and He looks on you with favor. I pray that this series of the my reflection blesses abundantly.

Love and blessings,
Irene

#thebelovedwhosufferswell

The Beloved Who Suffers Well – Part 3

On By IreneIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

It was Christmas day of 2022 when I wrote the 3rd reflection. The birth of Christ takes on a deep meaning in my heart. It felt like a scene from the Passion of Christ when Veronica approached Jesus with a cloth to wipe His face. At that moment, the noises surrounding the scene quietened and the focus was all on Christ. I felt like that last Christmas, the noises quietened down and only Christ matter. I pray that you are blessed by this sharing.

Merry Christmas! Sharing with you my reflection this week with the theme “Restful Wonder”

Praise be Jesus Christ that I am continuing to improve. My sister has left for home since last Thursday and I have been able to do more at home, even able to cook meals. My muscle strength continue to improve with the current treatment plan and I have also been able to taper down the on demand drug.

Receiving the sacrament of reconciliation prepared me to ponder upon the gift of Child Jesus on Christmas. What does Jesus wants from me this Christmas? Pondering on the wonder of Baby Jesus who’s adorable, totally trusting, vulnerable, peaceful and infinitely loveable invited me to one important element: CONNECTION.

Jesus invites me to a deeper connection with Him and this year it’s a fluffless connection. Nothing else matter, just pure eye locking deep connection kind of relationship with Christ. Being able to rest in the wonder of our God who became one of us has been grace filled healing moments for me.

I wish you a Blessed Christmas with a deep connection with the Adorable Baby Jesus who Heals.

May you find your deepest daily connection with the One who draws you to Himself.

Love and Blessings,
Irene

#thebelovedwhosufferswell

The Beloved Who Suffers Well – Part 2

On By IreneIn Coaching, Courage, Faith, Grace, Healing, Hope, Journey, Kingdom Lifestyle, Myasthenia Gravis Healing Journey, Providence, Suffering, The Beloved Who Suffers WellLeave a comment

My dear sister Bea who was instrumental in bringing me to a space of living out my desire to be known has been supporting me to do something about it. That’s what got me into sharing my reflection weekly during a very trying time healthwise. God is so good in providing friends who supported me through it.

The second reflection is one that prompted me to step out in faith. One of my biggest struggle is faith in providence, it was difficult during my years as a full time lay missionary, it was still very challenging afterwards. With the lion within me awakened, I know what is required of me is just to step out in faith: I do what I know what to do (the natural), and then trust God fully that He will do the supernatural. Here’s the reflection written and shared on 18 December 2022, may you be blessed.

When desperate, call on St. Jude! That was exactly what I did on 9 Dec, asking many companions to pray together with me. St. Jude activated saints around me that loved me into the deep which eventually led me to stillness that brought about breakthrough.

Examining my desire to be healed led me to realise how much I did I not prioritise my body due to limited funds. I wanted to check the state of my body and take the right action, I did not. I wanted to do a proper body detox and cleanse, I did not. I wanted to eat more organic, that happened limitedly. Realising my own sin against my body; I apologized and reconciled with my body.

My body start opening up to respond positively to treatment. I started gaining more sleep with nightly deliverance prayer from anxiety. Then I started embodying a decisive identity of “I am important”. Being decisive to make me a priority led me to my current holistic doctor. With renewed hope, I’ve started a nutritional supportive regime and so far my body is responding well.

Praising God for His favour and thanking you for your continous prayer. As I dare to hope and trust in the Lord, I am also sharing my appeal with you. Please pray about this and I truly appreciate any form of support.

Love and blessings,
Irene

#thebelovedwhosufferswell


With this reflection, I attached my appeal and my work in mental fitness promotional poster. For the purpose of sharing it here, I have removed edited out some information due to sensitivity and ethical practice.

The responses I garnered were mixed; some are very encouraging, some even took action to bless me financially, some immediately helped me to promote my work and some went totally silent. The silent part can be deafening and I took it with grace, believing that they are praying for me. This stepping out in faith exercise brought me to realization that I finally get it: I get the lesson that God is teaching me since the beginning of my YES to Him. The idol of my false sense of self sufficiency was well and truly shattered this time. I realized all these while, what I thought was lack of trust was rooted in me trying to control all the outcomes of my life including my attempts to control God. Now I understand the sense of lack of freedom whenever I am invited to trust God in financial providence. With all sincerity, I tried my best to trust and allow God to work but there’s more anxiety than freedom. This amazing breakthrough that came with the awakened lion within is grace from God. I am also seeing this partially as the fruit of my own daily practice of mental fitness. All these has been prepared before hand for me to come to a moment of grace where I dare to step out and I also dare to trust and allow God to provide as He pleases.

So here I am stepping out in faith to invite you to consider my work in mental fitness training. If you are curious about this, connect with me. If someone you know may benefit from this program, send them to me. I pray that you are blessed by my reflection and that you are encouraged to find victory in your challenges and sufferings. May you find the courage to step out in faith!

With lots of love,
Irene

The Beloved Who Suffers Well – Part 1

On By IreneIn Courage, Faith, Grace, Healing, Hope, Myasthenia Gravis Healing Journey, SufferingLeave a comment

Having the privilege to be off drugs and living pretty well for a short period of time has been nothing short of a blessing. Being inflicted with a nasty flare up of Myasthenia Gravis around end of November all through December of 2022 has become an awakening for me. I am given yet another chance in life. I praise God for the people He placed in my life to bring forth “a new life” in me. I was so sick that I can only share my reflections personally with close friends. Those who supported me has been a blessing to me and has been blessed by my sharing. So here I am sharing my past reflections in parts as I believed that everyone deserves victory in their suffering.

This was written and shared on 11 December 2022 and it was my breakthrough reflection.

Upon being invited to stay with the desire to be known, so many things came out. One identity I am invited to take on now is “The Beloved who Suffers Well”. I sensed my own discomfort in it but then who is the first Beloved who Suffers Well? None other than our Lord Jesus Christ. He showed us that the Cross is the way to Glory and I am to be focused on the grace of the moment.

What came out of my reflection surprised me. I only want to be known of the good stuffs but in my reality now I am crying out to be known in my suffering. To dare to bare the suffering. So here are the symptoms I am experiencing:

– muscle weakness
– unable to swallow properly without drug. It’s sometimes hard even with drugs
– severe double vision
– dizziness
– unstable movement
– jittery feelings on my muscles
– cold numbness on my lips and pallate
– slurry speech
– loss of appetite
– heaviness on my chest
– anxiety / depression (drug related)
– diarrhea (drug related)

I desire to suffer well like Christ and I recognise opportunities to do that. When things felt good, praise Him and when it is not that pleasant; look to the Cross for His grace for all these shall pass.

Continue to pray for me.

Love and blessings,
Irene

#thebelovedwhosufferswell

I pray that you are blessed by my sharing and that you find victory in your suffering.

With lots of love,
Irene

What It Takes to Sort out 48k+ Emails

On By IreneIn Coaching, Mental Fitness, Myasthenia Gravis Healing JourneyLeave a comment

I get an almost continuous prompting warning me that my inbox is almost full. And it comes with a solution: upgrade your space for $X. Nice solution but doesn’t serve my purpose. My personal email address has been in existence for 10 years now and I am the type who does not naturally sort things out in order. Just the way I am, preferring human connection than a tidy house kind of person. As in any human being, our strengths are complemented by our lack. Sometimes my weaknesses comes with a price tag. I often get overwhelmed by details as I am not a naturally detailed oriented person, so when I get overwhelmed, I run away from the task and procrastinate until it get the better of me. That often resulted in unnecessary stress.

Recently I discovered that tasks that used to be overwhelming no longer affect me as it used to be. The greatest example I had recently was sorting out 48k+ emails in my inbox to mere 6k+ of important emails worth keeping. It took me 5 days to do it in between other daily chores and it felt great to have that sorted out. That has been a great exercise where I get to look back at my the last 10 years of my life through the lens of the emails I received. It brought back the exact emotions I felt at the specific seasons of life. I also grieved the loss of some friendships who were important but whether I like it or not, it’s best that I come to term they are lost friendships. There were also moments of warmth reading emails from people who are already at the other side of eternity, brought back cherishing memories of these people. The changing seasons are also evident in the newsletters I subscribed. Some of them started from the beginning and are still relevant today. Some has been long gone as they don’t serve my season. It’s so interesting to see and embrace my life through this exercise.

Upon completion of this gigantic task, I noticed a few things;

  1. 48k+ emails is no joke and the fact that I felt stable all through was amazing. No overwhelmed feeling, I did not feel like I need to rush it, I am ok to take a bit at a time and it felt good to finish. In the past, I would have fainted, vomited and gave up after three pages. I am still in awe that it was possible and calm
  2. The ability to feel the emotions of the seasons again is a gift of looking back with gratitude. With that, moving forward in hope becomes a choice of lifestyle
  3. It was quite easy to delete things I thought was important back then
  4. I don’t need an overload of information, hence it is time to reevaluate what do I want in my inbox

I attributed my ability to calmly take on this task to my one year of mental fitness practice. I am a Transformation Coach who also offers Mental Fitness Training through Positive Intelligence (PQ). What better way to give than to be one who is living out the lifestyle of mental fitness practices. PQ practices bring about incremental improvement, it took me a year to reach this point where I see a breakthrough. A significant improvement is observed with just 6 weeks of practice and for me personally, I benefited from a continuous practice that strengthen my mental fitness.

Another major factor is my physical healing. It is one thing to praise God through sickness which is great as that is the source of strength and holiness. Having a physically abled body does make a heap of difference on how we take on life. The combination physical healing and being mentally fit are in my opinion making this great task possible. It is like speaking and living out the language of possibility in a whole new level.

Friends, if you are looking into improving your peak performance, wellness and relationships; do reach out to me for more information. I’d be delighted to hear your story and offer a way forward. As you take time to reflect upon your life, I pray that you’ll have the desire to for higher ground and greater joy. Wishing you the best in your journey.

With lots of love,
Irene

From Drug Pusher to Drug Addict to Sobriety

On By IreneIn Celebration, Faith, Grace, Journey, Myasthenia Gravis Healing Journey, Season of LifeLeave a comment

Yes, that’s part of the story of my life! Many years ago, when I was young, vibrant and energetic, I worked as a legal drug pusher – the way pharmaceutical representatives fondly call our job title. I have left pharma for almost 10 years now. A little more than 2 years ago, after being diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis (MG), I went down the path of pharma drug addiction – by necessity! It became a journey of unlearning what I thought I knew and learning a new way of honoring my body. Praise be to God, I am now in sobriety for a little more than 2 months.

In the background is a snapshot of the cocktail of drugs I was on

Having a pharma background has indirectly made me ignorant to the natural healing ability of my body. As I am also not free from confirmation bias, so it was kind of an eye opener to walk down the path desiring total sobriety from pharma drug. It is not uncommon for patient living with an autoimmunity being told that they have to be drug dependent for the rest of their lives. I stumbled upon stories of people who defy the odds and achieve something called a remission, some even successfully reversed their autoimmune condition with the right protocol. In the beginning it was amazement for me and kind of a wishful thinking that I want to be one of those who beat this. As time goes, the more I learned about this amazing God given body, the more I am convinced that healing is possible.

So started my quest for an alternative natural treatment. In the quest for healing, one main attitude that I took on is radical self responsibility for my health – I am responsible for my health, not my physicians. Hence that calls for a shift in the way I treat my body. What comes in contact becomes important be it the food I take, supplements, cleaning agents or even medical treatment I allow in my body. “Are those interventions necessary?, What are the risks vs benefits?” are among the questions I will ask before proceeding with any medical intervention. Thanks to my pharma background, reading products insert and clinical paper is something I am accustomed to. What it comes down to is doing my own research and own my decision as I should be the one who is most in tune with my body, knows my body best – not just following orders from my physicians. Self responsibility is an attitude welcomed by my physicians, it’s much easier to work with me as I do not put the burden of my health on them.

The initial part of the journey felt quite lonely as MG is a rare condition. What’s more rare are people who successfully reversed their condition naturally. The support group I joined are mostly conventional based which is fine as that’s the best known ways. I am grateful that I got support from my family who also believe that natural healing is possible. With heaps of prayer, I met my Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) physician. Acupuncture, chiro work and TCM herbs worked for me. It may not the answer for every MG patient but it’s worth a try. I recognized the importance of radical self responsibility when it comes to healing as I met people who unconsciously embodied their victimhood in their healing journey. Living as a victim will not bring any freedom or victory. We are better off doing the heart work of getting out of victimhood to accountability if we want any progress at all in our lives. Talk to me if you’d like to explore tools to shift from victimhood to accountability.

Has there been bad trial for me? Yes, you bet! Some of the stuffs I tried not only did not help, it worsened my condition. When that happened, I simply stop and keep searching for things that may help. Have I been reckless? Oh yes, indeed recklessness was the main driver towards my sobriety. In March this year, I ventured into mushroom growing at home. It was an awesome experience to able to harvest fresh mushroom at home. What I did not consider was the spores from the mushroom. For any healthy person, those spores are easy peasy to get rid of from their body. For me at that time still on immunosuppressant, I got infected and suffered prolonged cough. Tried all sort of medication and it only just helped the condition a little bit. I knew for a fact, I need to be weaned off the immunosuppressant in order for the fungi infected cough to be healed. Praise God I have at that point started the weaning process. The cough been quite an ordeal and I thank God once I was off the immunosuppressant, my condition started improving exponentially.

A very interesting experience of being off pharma drug was the withdrawal syndrome. My hands and feet were swollen for a month; I shivered at my neck while the peripheries of my body felt crazily warm. To intensify the drama, the prolonged cough finally affected my taste buds. When my taste buds were affected, that’s when things got hard. I enjoy my food and for that simple pleasure to be taken away, I was left in a state of choice again. Do I rise up victoriously or do I sulk in self pity? I chose victory. Well, experiencing drug withdrawal with an affected taste bud has become a reality, I may as well laugh it out. Not in my power to stop that with a switch but definitely in my power to define the experience with an attitude of praise and gratitude. As I continue to praise God for His healing power upon me and His overflowing grace that helped me through; I find peace, strength and courage to persevere in my healing journey.

So today, I am a little less young, still vibrant and regaining my energy; being thankful for the experience I had journeying from a drug pusher to a drug addict and now in sobriety. Thank you for your support dear friends through my journey. It is my prayer that you will also embody radical self responsibility when it comes to honoring your body. May your journey be an exciting one!

With lots of love,
Irene